You are Special

‘I am not what others say I am’, this was the subject of the mail I received by Sarah Titus. This mail came at right time because I was falling back in depression due to PMS symptoms. Why? Why this time too? Anyways I am not here to rant but sharing a beautiful story in her mail.

Have you read ‘You are special’ by Max Lucado? If not read it, rather hear the narration, it would make a greater impact. Read the whole story and I would like to share a small part of it and how I correlated with my life.

Punchinello in the story is me fighting with infertility. Wemmicks are the ones around me giving the dots (bad marks) questioning about my fertility. Eli, the maker of Punchinello is definitely my creator, God.  

Eli: “Looks like you’ve been given some bad marks.”

Punchinello: “I didn’t mean to, Eli. I really tried hard.”

Eli: “Oh, you don’t have to defend yourself to me, child. I don’t care what the other Wemmicks think.”

Punchinello: “You don’t?”

Eli: “No, and you shouldn’t either. Who are they to give stars or dots? They are Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn’t matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special.”

Eli: “The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers. You are special because I made you. And I don’t make mistakes.” 

I had tears but I smiled through them. I am special to God because he made me. He didn’t make mistake by making me fight with POI. Something really good will come at the end of it. I trust him.

You are special by Max Lucado

 

5 Favorite TV shows, Movies and My Infertility

This post is not to mock anyone. It is just my effort to be happy even with the big ‘I’ word – Infertility. Let’s get started, shall I?

infertility causes, tv series

Image source: Pexel Designed on: Canva

The Vampire Diaries:

Don’t you smirk! I LOVE IT. I am addicted to it and am hooked to the last vampire diaries season 8. I love the evil yet adorable Damon (not a surprise, ain’t it?) I am jealous of Elena. Anyways I am not here to write about my favorite characters.

I wish I could switch my humanity as vampires can which makes them evil and hungry for blood. I will turn my emotions off and attack all those who treat infertile couples especially women as… (I can’t write the word which is in my head, hope you guessed it)

Yes I want to be a vampire with my humanity shut off, after all vampires too can’t reproduce and I there would have been no need of all the infertility treatment. I wonder whose blood I would drink to be one. (Secretly wishing its Damon Salvatore, LOL. He never stopped loving Elena)

vampire diaries cast

Source: GIPHY

Give me the powers of Siren like the evil sisters – Sybil and Seline I would drill in the heads of people asking, “When are you going to have a baby, are you planning, what’s wrong?” and make them feel the emotional pain I am going through.

I am kind of being a little bit evil here, but hey try standing in my shoes of infertile; you won’t be able to walk even half a mile!

Lastly I want a friend, a confidante like Bonnie Bennett whom I can share anything and everything about my ‘not able to have a baby in my belly’ situation because she is all ears. And I cannot restrain myself asking her ‘what are my causes of infertility and when will I have one?’ with her psychic abilities; couldn’t hurt to request 😉

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I had watched the season where Monica and Chandler come to know about their infertility before my marriage. Not even my wildest dreams I could have imagined the same for me. I remember the episode wherein Monica wants to try after positive ovulation test but Chandler doesn’t want because they were fighting. That’s so resonate with reality.

It takes great deal of strength for a couple to go through this journey together. I guess there are very few couples like Monica and Chandler who can say ‘I am sorry…I am sorry too.”

friends tv show sitcom

Chasing Life

Please tell me I am not the only one who adored this Chasing Life TV series. How can they just stop it? If the makers are reading this, I plead to you, continue the show. I loved April, her bestie Beth and the wacky Leo. I may not die of infertility considering the fight of April with cancer, but there is lot to learn from her. I can empathize with her feelings. Her quote, “There’s no such thing as 5 minutes for me anymore, every minute counts.”

Let me reframe it, “There’s no such thing as take a break from trying for me anymore, every day after ovulation counts.”

I certainly know how I am gonna come out of this long disturbing journey:

chasing life tv show

The Last Word

Harriet Lauler took risks and lived a life she wanted with no regrets. And this was the reason no one spoke something “good” for her obituary. I do not want to spoil the movie plot here rather I want to share something insightful.

Harriet Lauler: Taking risks is what life is all about. I took a risk. I went to college and in my day oh! no man wanted to marry a woman who was educated, no man wanted to marry a woman who worked, no man wanted to marry a woman that he worked for. And my favorite was no one wanted to marry a woman in business but those were the risks I was willing to take.

Kid: Why? Why did you take those risks?

Harriet Lauler: Because there was no way I was not going to live up to my potential. Now you have to ask yourself this question:

“Are you willing to take a risk to do something stupid?”  or “Are you willing to take a risk to do something great?”

The last word movie quotes

How does this dialogue connect to my infertility? I took a risk of stopping hormonal pills. I took the risk of not opting for IVF. But am I ready to take a risk of taking the decision or at least thinking that it is ‘OK’ if I never have a baby of my own?

I was stung by strange who fired a question at me, “What will happen if you do not conceive? If not then it doesn’t make any difference, you have the right to be happy in life despite it.”

Well at this stage of my life I am not willing to take the risk of saying, ‘It’s OK’.

Me Before You

I need not re-write it again. Read the entire post on the movie here.

Thank you for reading and the support. Hope you like the post.

I do not own any rights for the images used in this post