Why I Love Reflective Journal?

About me, Fighting Infertility, home, life, marriage, quotes, Television show, write every day, Writing prompts

Writing a reflective journal

I have raved about my love for journaling many times now so much so that I have premium version of Journal on my desktop. Why do I have it?

  1. I love to write
  2. I am not comfortable talking to a camera for YouTube videos
  3. I want my child (hopeful to have one someday) and grandchildren to know how their mother and grandmother is/was.
  4. A remembrance of my presence in this life.

If I am stuck and can’t come with anything about what to write I turn towards prompts. They spark my thoughts. I am crazy for journal prompts. While searching for the same I came across Penzu – Private online Journal.

So let’s get started!

ABOUT YOU

What’s your ideal birthday gift? Why?

Books! No doubt about this one. But a Macbook would be awesome too 😀

Do you have any unique skills that make you stand out, and do you use them enough?

Writing: which I am implementing more often these days.

I can make people smile or laugh only if I am comfortable with the people I am with.

Sketching: Oh! How I loved it.

What do you hope to be doing with your life in a year? What about in a decade?

I hope to become a full time blogger.

What kinds of thoughts help you fall asleep at night?

I am a sleepyhead. I don’t need any thoughts to fall asleep 😛

sleepyhead

How do you want to improve yourself?

Believing is self each day, every day.

What values are most important to you?

Humanity – a one value, for me it’s a religion. Treat everyone alike. I don’t take any crap when people judge others based on caste, appearance and economic status.

Where do you want to go on your next vacation?

Kerala or Bali.

What are you looking forward to?

Coming two months. I have to take a firm decision.

YOUR EXPERIENCES

If you cannot think of what to write about in your reflective journal, think about your history. There’s a wealth of information to be considered and written about when you reflect on your past, whether you focus on your childhood or just the past week.

How have you grown in the past year?

Well, my belly fat has grown. Apart from this my perseverance has increased and I have taken a step to think about stepping out of my comfort zone.

When was the last time you felt truly content, and why did you feel that way?

Vacation to Kashmir – it was my dream destination.

What’s your favorite memory?

Summer vacation: Waking up watching Talespin, Potli Baba Ki, Different Strokes, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie.

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

Passing tenth and twelfth grade, final year of medical college, selection for job on first interview. What?! Aren’t these accomplishments?

What was your first memory, and why do you think you remember that event in particular?

I was 3 year old and I was playing with the shaving foam while my dad was shaving. I don’t know the reason but after 27 years I do remember it.

How was your day? What were the highs and lows?

My day started being lazy. I woke up one hour late from my set alarm. Celebration of navratri at work by wearing designated color each day.

YOUR BELIEFS

If you need a few more journal prompts, think hard about what you believe in and what you consider important. These questions can help you reflect:

Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens or other supernatural beings? Why?

Ghosts: No. But I might believe when one comes in front of me.

Aliens: I am curious to know about them!

Supernatural: Why not?

What do you think of miracles? Have you ever experienced one?

I will believe in miracles only if my no-functioning ovaries produce one egg to get fertilized. Till then NO!

Which invention are you most impressed by?

Google!!! Tell me one thing you can’t find on it.

Okay, Google don’t have any answer when I type, “What’s my husband doing right now?”

What are your religious beliefs (if any)? What do you think about the religious beliefs of others?

Answered earlier: Humanity. I hold no opinion on what others belief.

YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Your relationships with other people help shape your world, so it’s nice to reflect on them once in a while as you journal:

Which relationships in your life are most important to you?

Parent-child, Teacher-student, Friendship, Spouse.        

Do you feel like you have improved someone’s life at some point? If so, describe how.

I have and keep helping others whenever I can. As for improvement, I believe you yourself can bring improvement.

What qualities do you look for in good friends? How about in potential partners?

Do not expect anything from each other. This only will create a strong bond.

What are your favorite family’s traditions?

Eating meal together.

How do you feel about your current relationship with your friends? Your family members?

Friends: I should share more.

Family members: I get irritated when they talk about my fertility. Which I shouldn’t!

If you could be friends with anyone in the world, who would it be? Why?

Nia Vardalas only because of the quote from her book Instant Mom : “A small social guideline: don’t ask a woman if she is pregnant unless her water breaks on your flip-flops, a baby arm dangles out of her vagina, and she asks you to cut the cord. Then and only then may you ask if she is having a baby. Otherwise, shut up.”

My favorite self-exploration journal:

Did you try searching “What’s my husband doing right now?”? 😛 That’s it for now, see you all soon!

journaling ideas + prompts

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5 Common Causes of Irregular Periods

About me, Fighting Infertility, POI, write every day

You don’t want to be surprised with the appearance of Aunt Flo and carry sanitary pads or tampons along with everywhere you go. Guess what?! It never arrives. You are smart enough to rule out the primary cause of amenorrhea or reason of missed period- Pregnancy and during breastfeeding.

5 questions every menstruating woman should note down if she has irregular period:

  1. What is the mechanism of menstruation?
  2. Why the bleeding hasn’t begun?
  3. Why did I menstruate early this month?
  4. Why did my period stop suddenly?
  5. What are the causes of irregular period?

I want this post easy to understand without the heavy medical terminologies.

What every woman should know about menstruation?

  • Irregular period is common
  • Every woman does not have 28 days menstrual cycle
  • The range of menstrual cycle can be between every 20 to 35 days provided they are consistent.

What exactly is irregular period?

If the bleeding occurs within 20 days in a given month, 35 days the next month, spotting in between, or absence of bleeding for many months (ruling out pregnancy).

If you stand in any of this range, you must get evaluated further with a health care provider.

causes of irregular periodsPhoto by Roman Bozhko on Unsplash

COMMON CAUSES OF IRREGULAR PERIOD:

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS, PCOD)

PCOS is the most common endocrine disorder affecting 1 in 10 women. As the name suggests, there are multiple ovarian cyst formation. Irregular period is the common symptom in PCOS.

To explain it in simple terms: Cysts = multiple follicles growing haphazardly = size of ovaries increases = no formation of egg (anovulation) = hormonal imbalance = absence of menses = abnormal growth of hair (especially face)

Anovulation is the main cause of infertility in cases of polycystic ovarian syndrome.

The stats of PCOS cases are ever increasing but what exactly causes it is still obscure.

Endometriosis

It is a painful condition where the tissue found in uterus grows around ovaries, fallopian tubes and other pelvic organs.

Slight spotting or bleeding begins before actual menstrual period. Endometriosis is cause of infertility in about 20 to 40 % cases.

Thyroid gland disorders

Thyroid gland is a butterfly shaped organ situated at the base of neck. It can be said that it is one of the major controller of our body which has its effect on heart, brain, kidney, in other words: inspector of all the major organs.

Usually there is bleeding between periods or heavy bleeding in cases of thyroid gland diseases.

Eating disorders

Anorexia (refusing to eat) and bulimia (overeating followed by self-induced vomiting or fasting) grossly affects menstrual cycle.

Birth control pills

Yes its true, in some females the pills does affect the menstrual cycle either the bleeding is in spots or there is delay in onset of menstruation.

The above conditions are not the only causes of irregular menstrual cycle. I suggest you consult a gynaecologist for further investigation and treatment.

Investigation of irregular period is must for every woman even in those who have decided not to bear a child. Menstrual cycle is an essential part of our body where the hormones when secreted in normal quantity keep us healthy. There are many menstrual tracker apps available. Start using one of them. The one I use is Clue and it helps me tracking the cycle length because my menstrual cycle fluctuates due to premature ovarian failure.

Best Apps to track periodPhoto by rawpixel.com on Unsplash

The Best Period Tracker Apps:

Clue Period Tracker: Period & Ovulation Tracker

Period Tracker – Menstrual Calendar

Eve Period Tracker & Sexual Health App

Glow Period & Ovulation Tracker, Fertility App

5 Incredible Instagrammers You should follow

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, write every day

Hello everyone,

Hope you all are doing good, rising again after falling, learning from mistakes. Have you started practicing positive affirmations? I would like you to give it a try. Stand in front of the mirror and speak a loud and clear: “You are worthy of all the joys and riches in the universe. I love you”. Do not forget about gratitude, be grateful for this life.

positive affirmation about self-love

“I am worthy of all the joys and riches in the universe.”

Moving ahead with my life! My fertility update: CD 21. PMS symptoms have begun. AF might visit me soon, which is good and bad too. Bad for failing to conceive. Good for, at least I am bleeding despite my Premature ovarian failure.

That’s it for me. I am sharing the instagrammers I love. Apart from my fellow bloggers here (as I’ve mentioned in one of my previous post): motherofnone, beyoutiful, jlmwrites, findingjoyininfertility there are few others I adore. Hop on to their account!

beingmammabear

She is the first mamma I came across on instagram. She has fabulously documented her entire pregnancy on her blog and her every day instagram stories are adorable.

baawri_basanti

I have known this blogger for over 5 years and her 1 sentenced instagram posts are to die for.

readsleepfangirl

If you want your instagram feed to be beautiful and filled with books, follow her.

artist_vibhu

You mustn’t miss the artistry work by this self-taught professional artist.

 My compliments will fall short for her words. You might miss a heart beat after reading her writings and wonder HOW? How one can weave love so beautifully in words?

Have a great day wherever you are!

louise-hay-quotes-building-self-esteem

Grieving The Loss of a Baby I Never Had

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, POI

Have you ever experienced the empty barren feeling? The lives around move but you are desolate from inside. I woke up with this lonesome feeling today.

Should I blame it on hormones of CD3? I will not! H is out of town and I haven’t told him about aunt flo (AF) because I have failed again in this cycle.

I refrain talking about AF to my mom too and as Lord Ganesh is going to arrive in many houses she warns me not to touch him. This infuriates me. If God didn’t want him to be touched by me he never would have created women.

grieving the loss of a baby

Photo by Martin Kníže on Unsplash

And if AF is a taboo then many men have done far worse deeds to be allowed to touch God.

With all these thoughts churning inside me a post in the Huffpost newsletter caught my attention: What You Should Know About Grief, Summed Up In One Illustration.

The theme of the article is: Grief affects everyone differently. I am grieving for the loss of a baby which I never had.

People do not understand my grief, the suffering I am living with every single day. I am not insensitive to the fact that there are females getting pregnant around me, babies are born, kids play. The sight of them stings me; don’t get me wrong but not having one of my own hurts me.

I have been adamant all throughout life but now I break down quite often when the first symptom of PMS strikes me. I have faith in God but I keep fighting with him a lot these days. I keep believing he is testing my patience but I am fearful of my perseverance fading away.

My Premature Ovarian Failure Story

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, marriage

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Disclaimer:

This post is in no way to pity me or to scare you but more of my experience with Premature Ovarian Failure and infertility. How and when did I come to know of diagnosis, the signs and symptoms of it? Remember not every case of any disease presents itself ditto as in medical books or medical websites (I know you must have googled many). I being a doctor, myself, not in my deadliest of dreams thought I would have it.

Read this post as an awareness of Premature Ovarian Failure through the mouth of the one living with it. Don’t worry I won’t bombard you with heavy medical lingo but only the chronological series of my signs and symptoms.

Let’s get started! (It is going to be a long read. Grab your tea, coffee or water :D)

premature ovarian failure

Image

Premature Ovarian Failure

Doesn’t scare you after reading it, right? How about I say Premature menopause or early menopause in your 20s and 30s? Now this sounds scary, isn’t it?

Statistics say Premature Ovarian Failure occurs in 0.1% (1 in a 1000) women between the ages of 15 and 29, and 1% (1 in 100) women between the ages of 30 and 39. (DAMN!!! Why am I the unluckiest ‘1’ in 1000? But I would love to be the ‘1’ to conceive despite this ovaries-eating disease. Oh and btw I am 29 and going to be 30 soon)

Puberty

Normal. I had my first menses at age of 12 with 4-5 days of bleeding. Normal breast development, appearance of hair besides scalp (its normal location). Menses were regular but always on earlier side on Days 22, 23, 24, 25, 26 but never late.

End of my teens

Till age of 17 everything seemed to be normal. Then I think my master gland (pituitary) decided to live on its own terms without taking me into consideration.

Twice a year my menses shifted from its regularity gradually (REMEMBER- GRADUALLY holds the importance). I shoved it off by saying it might be due to stress of academics. I did underwent screening to rule out PCOS and yes I was elated I did not have it because I was not overweight, I did not have dark pigmentation anywhere. (Lesser I had known I was going to have worse than PCOS)

Did not spare my skin and hair

My skin! Why, Why, WHY? It is already eating up my follicles and above all attacking my skin. Hirsuitism (facial hair growth) even before I touched 20.  My parents had spent thousands for my laser treatment for hair removal. I had my blood screened for all the hormones before the treatment. Apart from DHEAS and testosterone, everything was normal (Another proof of NO PCOS). I still have excess hair growth but less worse than before. 

Acne! I hate you even now you crop on my face every now and then even The Body Shop products cannot rescue my skin from your peril.

My hair! What can I say, let it be!

Came the age of 25 (when I got married)

MY MENSES WENT BERSERK SO QUICKLY IT FREAKED ME OUT. 3 months no sign of PMS or spotting. I was sure I wasn’t pregnant, nevertheless I took pregnancy test which was negative (I was sure about). End of 3 months, comes the use of sanitary napkins without using any pills. ( I saved many bucks during those 3 months. LOL)

I darted the delay due to post-marriage stress 😛 . On a serious note, my menses were almost regular for 2 years.

Age of 27

Hormones. Checked. Follicular study. Done.  Only one follicle enlarged in one ovary and ruptured by 18th day of my cycle (which should have rang the bell of something ‘serious’, but we never anticipate for the worse, do we?) Nah-nah.

Age of 28

BANG! No menses for 5 months. No pregnancy. With WORSE PMS as if now, now the bleeding would start but nothing. My skin became so dull and the unhealthy look made me mad and angry (I didn’t have anyone or anything to blame on) despite of healthy eating habits. Trust me I had cut down junk foods drastically, restricted to once a week.

This time I had to take pills because it was enough.

Recheck of all the hormones. Done. Normal. Again except for FSH (Follicle stimulating hormone).

FSH to Ovaries: “RELEASE THE FOLLICLES, YOU! I AM TRYING SO HARD”

Ovaries: “DO NOT PUSH ME. I AM ALREADY TIRED.”

Uterus: “HELLO, YOU TWO! I AM WAITING SINCE SO LONG TO GROW A TINY HUMAN BEING WITHIN ME. Your fight is doing no good. I weep every month, well, not every month as you do not allow me to even weep.”

Me: “I am tired you guys. I am tired.”

Age of 29

We were labelled with ‘Primary infertility’ (Biggest impact) couples since second year of marriage. We had started planning by the end of first year but never conceived.

Hysterosalpingography. Done. Patent tubes.

Follicular study. 1 follicle. No growth. Ruptured prematurely. No conception (Not a surprise!)

Antral follicle count on Day 3. 2-3 dormant follicles only in one ovary. POOR RESULT.

FSH level. High.

Final test to confirm Premature ovarian failure

AMH (Anti-mullerian hormone). Bull’s eye for my diagnosis. Very very very low count.

Chances of conception with my own (if) remaining eggs – negligible.

Clinical suggestion – IVF with donor eggs.

Me (inside my head): “NO! NO! NO! No, no, no…”

Premature ovarian failure: “You have no other choice.”

Me: “I will never let you take control over my life.”

Image designed: Canva

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