Happy Book Lover’s Day

About me, Book Reviews, life, quotes, write every day

I am a day late to wish but better late than never. I have always loved book since I was a child. I do have a faint memory of my first books of Kindergarten. Books are my first love. They are my friends. They never make me feel lonely. I am bit possessive about the books I own. It is difficult for me to lend my books and if I do, they are the most trusted ones.

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors, and the most patient of teachers.” — Charles William Eliot

The smell of new fresh book is mesmerizing. The old ones too carry a charm in them. They show the maturity and how they are sturdy even after many years. The tender, frail paper still holds ocean of knowledge in it.

Books behold fiction, literature, fantasy and many genres within them.

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.

Read the article on Huffington Post – 19 Quotes That Will Make You Fall in Love With Books All Over Again

national book lovers day

Till my tenth grade I had my head in academic books. My love for books intensified when I joined a library and that place made me feel like living in heaven. My hands set on Enid Blyton books but the day I read ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’ it left me in awe. I mean how can someone write such book? The mystical creatures, the magic, the characters, HOW? I love and respect J.K.Rowling for her magical creation. There would be handful of people on this planet who did not like reading Harry Potter books. I am a complete Potterhead for the matter of fact.

It’s been fifteen years now since my reading marathon (which had halted for 3 years) and still going on. Compared to the avid readers I read a lot less books in a year but I strive to complete Goodreads reading challenge.

Hardy boys, Secret Seven, Famous Five are my all time favorite books. Speaking about authors: Jojo Moyes stole my heart with her ‘Me Before You’. Sophie Kinsella has the skill to uplift the sad mood by her chicklit books. Twenties Girl being the first book I read and shall forever remain in my top 5 books.

How can I not mention ‘P.S.I Love You’ by Cecelia Ahern? I read this book thrice and it never failed to warm my heart and moist my eyes. ‘P.S. I Like You’ by Kasie West is a sweet read. ‘Marshmallows for breakfast’ and ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’ by Dorothy Koomson was such a surprisingly pleasant read. ‘Bell Jar’ by Sylvia Plath was painful but so true.

By now you are right that I am a big fan of contemporary and chicklit books but I do plan to read few classics. I never choose to read a book by ratings given by other readers because sometimes it happens that I actually liked the book which isn’t so raved about.

Few of the Indian authors I love reading are: Twinkle Khanna (OMG! She surprised the whole world with her satirical books), Amish Tripathi, Ravinder Singh.

I still have hundreds of books on my TBR list. I want to read books by Sarah Dessen, John Green, Jennifer Weiner, Leo Tolstoy, Charles Dickens, Marian Keyes, Lindsey Kelk, Colleen Hoover, Cassandra Clarke, Sarah J Mass.

I can go on and on and this post can be never ending. Final word: My biggest aim is to read Game of Thrones. The TV series is raved all over the world but I sort of did not like it. Please don’t send me hate or abuses, we all have our own likes and dislikes 😀

Till next time, Happy Book Lover’s Day once again. Keep reading and bring magic in your life!

benefits of reading

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Sweet Home Alabama

About me, Fighting Infertility, home, life, marriage, POI, write every day

I love Reese Witherspoon.

reese witherspoon

She is my favourite in Big Little Lies TV series among the other major leads and in this movie she was FAB! It had been long time since I watched a whole movie at a stretch in one go. Watching movies on Romedy Now is one of my self-care pamper routine. When I am alone I tune it to see which movie is running and if it is on my to-watch-movie list (yes I do have such list), no one can stop me. It is a perfect way of relaxation. I love their theme: Love. Laugh. Live

It is inspiring how Melanie (Reese Witherspoon character) travels to a big city reinvents her self to become a successful designer. My favourite part starts when she comes back to her hometown (after seven years) to get a divorce from Jake.

It was so hilarious when she meets Jake after seven years and tries to get in their home. Excerpt of the scene:

Jake: [not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses] Can I help you?

Melanie Carmichael: Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.

Jake: You’re shittin’ me, right?

Melanie Carmichael: I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not “shitting” you.

The tussle between two of them was fun because I saw me and H in that situation (LOL). The fight and how with authority she enters the home as if she never left. I visualized myself in her situation because of her stubbornness like I am 😀

Love is beautiful but strange. Melanie and Jake are the childhood sweethearts but lived in separation for many years after marriage. This made me think! I have seen childhood love flourish and also almost ending as if they had never been in love.

And then there are couples who meet late after mid-life and are happy together. Can I conclude that it doesn’t matter when you meet that ‘one’ in your life? I and H were engaged for 9 months before we got married. Woah! Those nine months were lovely, adventurous with pinch of salt and large spoonful of chilly powder. I had got the glimpse of how married life would be for me. 

We fought a lot in early years of marriage. So much so that I had thoughts of divorce and separation. I had even confessed it to him. Things are not going smooth we should take a break from each other. It was may be due to our differences in thinking or whatever it was, over the period I made a truce and shook hands with it. 

Now the fight with infertility causes clashes in our relationship but life is not bad as it was. It gets better and it would get much better if I conceive 😀

happy girl gif

Anyways back to the movie. If you haven’t watched it and now that you have a peek in its storyline I request to at least watch the scene where Melanie visits the Dog Cemetery and the conversation between Jake and her. I had tears rolling down. 

It still amazes me how  we fight with the one but somewhere deep down love exists. But there are also relationship where it turns out too unpleasant to be in each others life and it is best to walk on different paths. Nothing wrong in it. Why should we force the couple to live together when everything is wrong in the root of the relationship? Just because of societal norms, Oh Please! The only thing that exist in such lives is hatred and abuses. I have witnessed it  and so I am of the belief that living separately is best. 

I can’t stress enough on the fact – ‘Life is short.’ So why to live in such unhealthy link? 

Love does exist in various forms. We just got to have eyes to look for it. 

sweet home alabama wedding scene

 

 

 

lovely bones book

The Lovely Bones and Note to Self Podcast

About me, home, life, write every day

educents-magformers
I was very hesitant to pick up the book ‘The Lovely Bones’ by Alice Sebold due to its plot of rape and murder of a teenager. But it was on my TBR list since long and I thought enough, I have to read it. Today I read the first 20 pages and it left me shuddered. I have set my mind not to quit reading. Susie Salmon seems so familiar as everyday a Susie in India is reaped out of her soul with the dirty hands. I don’t want to talk more about it here because this post will be all about anger and vengeance.

lovely bones book

Susie narrates her story from heaven and how she wants to change the life of family after she is gone. This reminded me of the podcast I listened to recently. Note to self is one of my many favorite podcast show. In one of the episode (Messages from the Beyond) they have featured Safe Beyond where we can leave messages in form of video, audio or text to our loved ones after our death. We can set the message according to date, location or event.

The thought made me curious but also raised many questions in my head. I would love H or my child (when I have one) has a living part of me talking with them after I am gone. But then will they like?

Question one: I don’t know my expiry date, so when should I set the video, audio or text.

Question two: What if they slip into grief again if one day I pop up with the recording after they have overcome with the grief of losing me?

But still I love the thought of recording a video for someone who will see it after my last breathe. 

I love to keep a journal. I had stopped many years due to unfavorable circumstances. But I have restarted it again. I had vented my feelings each night in my diaries for 2 years. But I had never ever wanted anyone to read my feelings I had poured in those pages. I was too scared and with the fear one day I ripped the pages of one of the diary. I tore every single page of it. I was sad but also glad that I had it wrote down what I felt.

The other diary still lies safe in my closet. I will come to know if anyone reads it because I have sealed it with duct tape. Opening it is not easy. LOL.

My blogs are a part of me too but is open to everyone. Only my child will have the right to read my journal 😉

Earlier I had vented my emotions of a young adult. It consisted of anger of a teenager, the restlessness of 20 something, the falling in love, getting out of it, of people not understanding me.

The journal I want to start would leave words of wisdom, the struggles, the losses, and failures, getting over them, wins, reaching goals and many more which will help my child or anyone who read it to become a better person. I am not the wisest person but I have learned a lot about ‘Life’ and the lesson is not over yet.

I would end this post here asking: What do you think the idea behind Safe Beyond- the digital legacy?

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MAYBELLINE COLOR PLUSH SILK EYESHADOW

3aa8572c65dd57d46ced22babd0bd8f6_xlargeL'OREAL EYESHADOW

happy girl looking

Take Me Away

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, writing challenge

happy girl looking

Take me away, to the place where dreams come true

Take me away, to the place where love dwells in each heart

Take me away, to the place where life is not taken for granted

Take me away, to the place where jealousy doesn’t drink happiness

Take me away, to the place where ego doesn’t eat innocence

Take me away, to the place where pervert doesn’t lay its dirty hands

Take me away, to the place where hatred doesn’t kill the love

Take me away, to the place where hate doesn’t burn in the name of love

Take me away, to the place where music ignites love and respect

Take me away, to the place where life is lived to its fullest.

©kohleyed7

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obituary, biography

She Lived Her Life She Wanted

About me, life, Self-love

Oh boy, did I cry two nights in a row?

girl crying

Image source: GIPHY

No, it wasn’t because of TTC but after watching the last episode of The Vampire Diaries and the next night the movie ‘The Last Word’. One being fiction and the other so close to reality. Let me begin with the Vampire Diaries: Fiction yet the friendship, the brotherhood, the love connected to what life is all about. I could connect with all the emotions: anger, hatred, jealousy, revenge. Have you ever felt the person near you cannot be the person with whom you connect emotionally? Have you ever experienced the unrequited love? Have you ever been reluctant to confess your love? Is there anyone, one single person who knows you so much so that the distance doesn’t matter?

I have asked you many questions. It’s now my turn to answer each one of them. The one person near and always near me is H and I am sad to say that I cannot connect with him on the ground of emotions. We are like the two ends of the pole yet together. I have always been an introvert more over introvert with regards to emotions. It is so difficult to share what I feel. It may be because of my upbringing or my fear that people will laugh at my emotions. I can only write my feelings but sometimes even that is difficult. As I am sharing most of my insides, I want to tell you something.

This isn’t my first or the only blog. This vast world of blogging resides my first blog I started in 2010. Yeah long journey into blogging! That blog is still alive I will keep it alive till my last breathe. That blog is my shadow. It made me realized what I am capable of. I found myself in it. It is my mirror. Whenever life becomes hazy, it clears my vision. It shows me where I stand. It brought out the poet inside me. When I go back to the poems I wrote it reflects how much I have lost in these years. I have lost a part of my life. I have lost my muse. Over the period I came out of my anonymity to only to few fellow bloggers and I am so glad to meet them on this platform. We are still in touch after so many years. But they do not know it is me behind kohleyed7. I do hope sometime soon I will drop down the mask of anonymous here.

anonymous writer

Back to answering the questions. I haven’t experienced an unrequited love but I never confessed my love to the person, the first and only person who caught the real me behind the silence. I thought it must be coincidence but no, each time that person knew what I was thinking. Do I regret it? Yes, I do. I should have at least tried and if the answer had been ‘No’ I would have lived with it but now I may never know.

The answer to the last question: Yes, I have that one person who knows me well where the distance doesn’t matter. I am not lucky but I am blessed to have. I can ping the one anytime of day or night and just few words brings back the calmness inside my turmoil mind.

The Last Word: I cried, I cried towards the end due to sadness and I laughed through my tears. It made me re-think about my obituary, how will it be? Harriet Lauler was a successful woman during her young age but people did not like her but she did something’s at age of 81 to change that. She can do those at 81, I am 30 and I have to work hard. The one reading my obituary would title it as, ‘She lived her life she wanted.’

5 Years of Sharing, Caring, Fighting

About me, home, life, marriage, write every day

5 years ago, this very day H and I got engaged. Oh my! I looked beautiful. I can say this, can’t I? 😉 because I had never groomed myself earlier. That day and my wedding day are special days in my life (and the days between them were tug of war and still are! LOL). I had never dreamt of living with a soul for this long. I still can’t believe I have spent 1825 days of my life with H.

Initial days after marriage were stressful, A LOT, trust me. I guess most married couples must have gone through those tough days. Now my bit sane and rational mind says it is not what you go through but how you deal with it that matters. I haven’t changed myself for H neither I made him to change for me. This I understood much after the difficult phase of my life when ‘separation’ and ‘divorce’ were the only words stuck within me.

I kept myself busy in work to overcome the situation. For the matter of fact, I started ignoring which was not the solution. But work kept me sane. The only way I found peace within me and the relation was – giving up expectations. Yes, the expectations which I had set for him and for me. I never or haven’t given up on us but only the ‘expectation’- the parasite of any relationship.

Pleasant surprises came along my way when I stopped expecting ‘a lot of things’ from him.

I am finding many insights from the book I am currently reading – ‘Committed’ by Elizabeth Gilbert as I said in my previous post. I am not accepting word to word said in the book but I can relate with most of the survey and facts she has mentioned in the book. This post will be too long if I start talking about the book. I shall write a detailed post about my thoughts on it once I finish reading. I am quite happy that I haven’t found it dull rather interesting. Its just been 4 days and I am half way through the book.

I am ending this post by sharing the engagement day pic, 7 April 2012. Happy Engagement Anniversary to me. Cheers to our fights and loving days!!!

engagement, marriage vows, love

Our Engagement Day

©kohleyed7

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Credit: Image of golden rings

My 5 favorite inspirational quotes

quotes

5 Quotes that inspire me

I am a big crazy fan of quotes. I have pasted them on my refrigerator, hang them in my living room, they are on my mobile wallpaper. So that every time I come across them, they rejuvenate me.

Each day of my life I work hard to think ‘rationally’ which is indeed difficult but not impossible. Life beats me down, lifts me up and sometimes crashes me hard. These quotes help me in those difficult times.

Inspirational Quotes can be compared to meditation. They help you in keeping calm, they have the power to alter your thoughts.

Quotes make you feel happy, they encourage you, they uplift the mood.

Read at least 2-3 inspirational quotes every day. Do not consider as a task so as to strike off from ‘to-do list’.

Take a break from the “routine” and read quotes for making you feel happy. Here are my 5 favorite quotes by the legends like Elvis Presley, Martin Luther King Jr., Dr.Seuss, Henry David Thoreau.

inspirational quotes on love and life

 

quotes on loveQuotes by Dr.SeussElvis Presley quotesdeclutter mind

quotes on music

Source of images: Quotes to inspire

Do share some of yours 🙂

Will I ever have a baby?

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, write every day

“The problem is in you.” The doctor said to me in the month of October 2016. That was harsh doctor, you shattered my world by saying that. I know it was your duty to inform be but the way you said it torn my life and more over my hope in million pieces. That was the last day I visited you and I shall never set my foot again.

I did not want sympathy from the doctor or from anyone for that matter. You know how it felt? Imagine someone is scrapping while awake, your hands are tied down and you are helpless. Got it?

Everyone’s fingers were (are) blaming me, condemning me. I myself am a doctor. Never ever I had thought while learning about ‘Infertility’ in medical college that my life would be associated with the word ‘female infertility’. 

My AMH (Anti-Mullerian Hormone) is way too low. (I hate you AMH, what did I ever do that you are taking a leave from my blood and my motherhood away from me). I have what is medically termed as, ‘Premature ovarian failure‘, which means my ovaries are failing and the biggest probability of ‘Premature Menopause’. GOSH!!! I am only 29!

The pain, the hurt of struggling with infertility can be understood only by those who go through it. Believe me! Even if you say, ‘I understand’ if you are/not experienced it, you will ‘never feel’ what I am feeling right now, each moment, every day. My words might not convey the pain but if you want to listen, watch the video by HickMan Vlogs how they beat infertility. Gods grace they have two beautiful kids. Megan speaks her heart out and how it hurts when someone ask about, “Aren’t you planning for having kids?”

(PEOPLE! Stop nagging, because when you ask me about when are you planning it doesn’t sound as if you are concerned but probing in ‘what’s wrong’ or rather ‘who has the problem?’)

Every morning I wake up and there is this emptiness which no one can fill even though I try my best to make myself busy. I do not blame God, but I do fight with him/her. What have I done wrong? Have I committed such a big sin that you are punishing me?

I am tired. I am tired of visiting several doctors. I am tired of going through the sonography probe going up my vagina (always hoping to see ‘Hope’). My heart races every time I do a pregnancy test. The result always has been negative as if my fate is having a good laugh at me.

I have stopped everything of it. I no longer expose my body to artificial rays or medicines. I have a healthy uterus and so the option of IVF is open in front of me by donor eggs. I can’t! I can never! How will I hold the baby who has grown in my womb but not ‘mine’? How will I ever say ‘you are my baby’ but not ‘mine’? This thought shudders me!

I do not cry, not in front of others. But I do cry to myself. I do not have a shoulder to cry on. I snuggle myself and the tears find their way out. I had been wanting to share this since ages to someone. The fear always held me back. 

I am waiting for the two lines on the strip. I am waiting for the morning sickness. I will adore my stretch marks (as not everyone is blessed with them the reason being carrying a baby). I am waiting for the highest threshold of labor pain.

My ovaries might be failing but my faith isn’t. I still have a spark (tiny it might be) inside me, speaking to me, “I will get pregnant. I will see my’hope’ growing in my womb.” ©kohleyed7

 

 

I have strangled conditional love

life, Self-love, write every day, writing challenge

January 24

Ready, set, go

Set a timer for ten minutes. Open a new post. Start the
timer, and start writing. When the timer goes off, publish.

I am listening to 101 Powerful thoughts by Louise Hay.  I stumbled randomly on it while searching for something else. Isn’t it amazing we are blessed with wonders when were seeking else?

Life has kicked my ass hard enough many times. (“Life, were you hoping that I won’t get up. Bang! You are wrong) I pushed myself up when there was no helping hands.

My favorite thought I am listening is, “The people around us are the mirror of our life.” We interact with only those when something strikes inside that this person is the one we want to be.

Love. What is love? It is said love should be unconditional. But is it really? Aren’t we suffocating love with deep underlying selfishness. Where does all the jealousy come from? Why can’t we live with the quote: Set love free, if it comes back it is yours to keep. Still we are scared. We fear loneliness. In order to keep love with us, we somehow strangles it.

words-however-kind-cant-mend-your-heartachebut-those-who-care-and-share-your-loss-wish-youcomfort-and-peace-of-mind

Self-love. A thin line differentiating it with ego. I first learned about self-love during my training for Personnel Counselling by Robert Carkhuff’s model. We are so ignorant. We seek love here and there and forget that we ought to love our self. It is blissful- self love. Remember it is not ego!

Talking about Counselling, I also underwent training on REBT– a revolutionary therapy by Albert Ellis. It is so true. We disturb our self by the many irrational thoughts dwelling within us.

Time to change those irrational thoughts to rational one and times up too!

-kohleyed