Why I Love Reflective Journal?

About me, Fighting Infertility, home, life, marriage, quotes, Television show, write every day, Writing prompts

Writing a reflective journal

I have raved about my love for journaling many times now so much so that I have premium version of Journal on my desktop. Why do I have it?

  1. I love to write
  2. I am not comfortable talking to a camera for YouTube videos
  3. I want my child (hopeful to have one someday) and grandchildren to know how their mother and grandmother is/was.
  4. A remembrance of my presence in this life.

If I am stuck and can’t come with anything about what to write I turn towards prompts. They spark my thoughts. I am crazy for journal prompts. While searching for the same I came across Penzu – Private online Journal.

So let’s get started!

ABOUT YOU

What’s your ideal birthday gift? Why?

Books! No doubt about this one. But a Macbook would be awesome too 😀

Do you have any unique skills that make you stand out, and do you use them enough?

Writing: which I am implementing more often these days.

I can make people smile or laugh only if I am comfortable with the people I am with.

Sketching: Oh! How I loved it.

What do you hope to be doing with your life in a year? What about in a decade?

I hope to become a full time blogger.

What kinds of thoughts help you fall asleep at night?

I am a sleepyhead. I don’t need any thoughts to fall asleep 😛

sleepyhead

How do you want to improve yourself?

Believing is self each day, every day.

What values are most important to you?

Humanity – a one value, for me it’s a religion. Treat everyone alike. I don’t take any crap when people judge others based on caste, appearance and economic status.

Where do you want to go on your next vacation?

Kerala or Bali.

What are you looking forward to?

Coming two months. I have to take a firm decision.

YOUR EXPERIENCES

If you cannot think of what to write about in your reflective journal, think about your history. There’s a wealth of information to be considered and written about when you reflect on your past, whether you focus on your childhood or just the past week.

How have you grown in the past year?

Well, my belly fat has grown. Apart from this my perseverance has increased and I have taken a step to think about stepping out of my comfort zone.

When was the last time you felt truly content, and why did you feel that way?

Vacation to Kashmir – it was my dream destination.

What’s your favorite memory?

Summer vacation: Waking up watching Talespin, Potli Baba Ki, Different Strokes, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie.

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

Passing tenth and twelfth grade, final year of medical college, selection for job on first interview. What?! Aren’t these accomplishments?

What was your first memory, and why do you think you remember that event in particular?

I was 3 year old and I was playing with the shaving foam while my dad was shaving. I don’t know the reason but after 27 years I do remember it.

How was your day? What were the highs and lows?

My day started being lazy. I woke up one hour late from my set alarm. Celebration of navratri at work by wearing designated color each day.

YOUR BELIEFS

If you need a few more journal prompts, think hard about what you believe in and what you consider important. These questions can help you reflect:

Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens or other supernatural beings? Why?

Ghosts: No. But I might believe when one comes in front of me.

Aliens: I am curious to know about them!

Supernatural: Why not?

What do you think of miracles? Have you ever experienced one?

I will believe in miracles only if my no-functioning ovaries produce one egg to get fertilized. Till then NO!

Which invention are you most impressed by?

Google!!! Tell me one thing you can’t find on it.

Okay, Google don’t have any answer when I type, “What’s my husband doing right now?”

What are your religious beliefs (if any)? What do you think about the religious beliefs of others?

Answered earlier: Humanity. I hold no opinion on what others belief.

YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Your relationships with other people help shape your world, so it’s nice to reflect on them once in a while as you journal:

Which relationships in your life are most important to you?

Parent-child, Teacher-student, Friendship, Spouse.        

Do you feel like you have improved someone’s life at some point? If so, describe how.

I have and keep helping others whenever I can. As for improvement, I believe you yourself can bring improvement.

What qualities do you look for in good friends? How about in potential partners?

Do not expect anything from each other. This only will create a strong bond.

What are your favorite family’s traditions?

Eating meal together.

How do you feel about your current relationship with your friends? Your family members?

Friends: I should share more.

Family members: I get irritated when they talk about my fertility. Which I shouldn’t!

If you could be friends with anyone in the world, who would it be? Why?

Nia Vardalas only because of the quote from her book Instant Mom : “A small social guideline: don’t ask a woman if she is pregnant unless her water breaks on your flip-flops, a baby arm dangles out of her vagina, and she asks you to cut the cord. Then and only then may you ask if she is having a baby. Otherwise, shut up.”

My favorite self-exploration journal:

Did you try searching “What’s my husband doing right now?”? 😛 That’s it for now, see you all soon!

journaling ideas + prompts

This post does contain affiliate link.

The Good Wife: It took me 8 years to watch it!

Fighting Infertility, life, marriage, Television show, write every day

Seriously I wasn’t even interested having a sneak peek of it. Firstly the title ‘the good wife’ did not fascinate me. Secondly I thought it would be same court room television drama but I was wrong. I was so wrong.

It is raining rats and dogs in Mumbai with strong winds, lightning and randomly I was browsing through the shows on Amazon prime video. I gave a look to the good wife show and started it with a homemade pizza giving me company.

The pilot episode features Alicias’ (the protagonist) first case of retrial of a woman accused of murdering her ex. After their first meeting Alicia advises the woman which was so fabulous and true to the fact.

“You like reading? I’m going to get you some books. Fiction is best. You won’t feel like it, but put on nice clothes and makeup. Force yourself to. Not for court for you. It’s the superficial things that matter most right now. Does it ever get easier? No. But you do get better at it.”

I can relate to the nice clothes and makeup. Since coming to face-to-face with infertility I am in love of getting ready. Even if I run late in the morning, I put on some compact, kohl, mascara and a lipstick before stepping out. I do it not with the intention of being attractive or hide my flaws but I do it because it makes me happy. I feel confident with it. Have you tried? No? Give it a try ladies!

Going ahead with the show: “Childs, you’ve obviously never made a woman angry before.” (Scene where Glenn Child meets Alicia after her first case) Woah! Now this was something to keep me going. I felt like cheering for this lady and shout, “You Go Girl!”

I always believe fiction has truth at its root and the strength which Alicia has and lives with for her children, is indeed admirable.

Two episodes down, I have a long journey with the good wife. Have you watched it?

the good wife dram television

Photo by Alexander Solodukhin on Unsplash

If My Life Was A Soundtrack

About me, life, write every day, Writing prompts

if my life was a soundtrack

If my life was a soundtrack

It would start with a slow beat of a piano

That matches my first giggle as a baby

It would play with the tune of my laughter

That brings on tears of joy and sometimes sorrow

If my life was a soundtrack

It would resemble “What doesn’t kill you make you stronger

With my anxiety and depression

It would play loud “Because of You

With all my mistakes and misery

If my life was a soundtrack

I will aim for “Breaking the habit

To breakdown my fear and heal the wound

I will dance to “Halo

To confess my love and embrace the truth

If my life was a soundtrack

I will play “It’s my life

Because I ain’t gonna live forever

I will keep singing:

Paate hum hai zindagi ek baar (We only get one chance to live)

Kyun na kare khul ke hum isko pyar ( Then why shouldn’t we love it)

 Jaane kiska hai hum mein intezar (Who knows for whom are we waiting)

Ke zindagi yehi hai aur yahin” (As this is life, and here is life)

5 Incredible Instagrammers You should follow

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, write every day

Hello everyone,

Hope you all are doing good, rising again after falling, learning from mistakes. Have you started practicing positive affirmations? I would like you to give it a try. Stand in front of the mirror and speak a loud and clear: “You are worthy of all the joys and riches in the universe. I love you”. Do not forget about gratitude, be grateful for this life.

positive affirmation about self-love

“I am worthy of all the joys and riches in the universe.”

Moving ahead with my life! My fertility update: CD 21. PMS symptoms have begun. AF might visit me soon, which is good and bad too. Bad for failing to conceive. Good for, at least I am bleeding despite my Premature ovarian failure.

That’s it for me. I am sharing the instagrammers I love. Apart from my fellow bloggers here (as I’ve mentioned in one of my previous post): motherofnone, beyoutiful, jlmwrites, findingjoyininfertility there are few others I adore. Hop on to their account!

beingmammabear

She is the first mamma I came across on instagram. She has fabulously documented her entire pregnancy on her blog and her every day instagram stories are adorable.

baawri_basanti

I have known this blogger for over 5 years and her 1 sentenced instagram posts are to die for.

readsleepfangirl

If you want your instagram feed to be beautiful and filled with books, follow her.

artist_vibhu

You mustn’t miss the artistry work by this self-taught professional artist.

 My compliments will fall short for her words. You might miss a heart beat after reading her writings and wonder HOW? How one can weave love so beautifully in words?

Have a great day wherever you are!

louise-hay-quotes-building-self-esteem

Grieving The Loss of a Baby I Never Had

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, POI

Have you ever experienced the empty barren feeling? The lives around move but you are desolate from inside. I woke up with this lonesome feeling today.

Should I blame it on hormones of CD3? I will not! H is out of town and I haven’t told him about aunt flo (AF) because I have failed again in this cycle.

I refrain talking about AF to my mom too and as Lord Ganesh is going to arrive in many houses she warns me not to touch him. This infuriates me. If God didn’t want him to be touched by me he never would have created women.

grieving the loss of a baby

Photo by Martin Kníže on Unsplash

And if AF is a taboo then many men have done far worse deeds to be allowed to touch God.

With all these thoughts churning inside me a post in the Huffpost newsletter caught my attention: What You Should Know About Grief, Summed Up In One Illustration.

The theme of the article is: Grief affects everyone differently. I am grieving for the loss of a baby which I never had.

People do not understand my grief, the suffering I am living with every single day. I am not insensitive to the fact that there are females getting pregnant around me, babies are born, kids play. The sight of them stings me; don’t get me wrong but not having one of my own hurts me.

I have been adamant all throughout life but now I break down quite often when the first symptom of PMS strikes me. I have faith in God but I keep fighting with him a lot these days. I keep believing he is testing my patience but I am fearful of my perseverance fading away.

Random chit-chat, My Favorite fellow bloggers and Award

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, write every day

Today I just want you to listen to me. I want to share my thoughts here and also because I miss talking with friends face to face and not via social media or technology.

best infertility blogs, unique blogger award

I miss my best friend V from school more these days. Life has pulled us apart but we have always been in touch. Now she lives seven oceans apart and I am missing her so badly because chatting with a friend in front of you is far different than on Whatsapp.

Writing is cathartic. As I have mentioned in one of my previous post that I have made few really good friends through blogging. Here I mostly share my struggle with infertility and all about TTC which I still haven’t got courage to share on my other blog.

I have met amazing women here and fellow TTC sisters. Mother of none is the one of the most smart and offbeat blogger I came across. She makes me smile, laugh and cry through her writing because it resonates with my life too.

myjourneycreatinglife and The Hopeful Mama, we share same journey of POF. It is strange how we are located in different parts of this world yet experience same feelings and thoughts. 

ramblingsofaninfertile, Making Baby Joy, Finding Joy in Infertility, Post IVF world , Plan B , heartsongwords are few others I met in this journey and always look forward to hearing from them. I love reading life updates of 40andpregnant

I love the girl behind Dubliner In Deutschland. If you are reading this my heartiest wishes with you for a healthy pregnancy and baby.

I want to Thank from bottom of my heart to Gauri from That Blessed Life for giving me the award Unique Blogger Award. I won’t nominate anyone but I will definitely answer your questions:

Questions-

  1. What is the inspiration behind your blog?

Sharing my life of trying to conceive, the hard life behind it and also making aware to young and everyone about Premature Ovarian Failure or Premature Menopause.

2. What advice you’d give to any blogger?

Write what you feel and not what others want to read. 

3. An incident that makes you feel proud about yourself.

Getting the award of best camper in tenth grade. Long back but still makes me feel proud. 

4. What is your biggest experimental disaster in your kitchen (funny)?

While preparing dough I was listening to music and I was so engrossed in the song I added twice the amount of water in the flour. Imagine the scene and my mom had to come for my rescue.

music cooking writing

5. What really scares you a lot?

Not having a baby (not surprising!)

Thank You once again.

Moving forward with other bloggers. The sensuous and heartfelt poems by awriterssoulblog and ladybug love  , Frank Solanki, Rhythm in Life, The Glitters of Life are worth a read. 

I cannot skip mentioning The Love Letter Projects especially her Monday Love. BEyouTIFUL, you rock girl, my instagram feeds look bright and beautiful with your posts. 

This is it for now. 

happy girl

Happy Book Lover’s Day

About me, Book Reviews, life, quotes, write every day

I am a day late to wish but better late than never. I have always loved book since I was a child. I do have a faint memory of my first books of Kindergarten. Books are my first love. They are my friends. They never make me feel lonely. I am bit possessive about the books I own. It is difficult for me to lend my books and if I do, they are the most trusted ones.

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors, and the most patient of teachers.” — Charles William Eliot

The smell of new fresh book is mesmerizing. The old ones too carry a charm in them. They show the maturity and how they are sturdy even after many years. The tender, frail paper still holds ocean of knowledge in it.

Books behold fiction, literature, fantasy and many genres within them.

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.

Read the article on Huffington Post – 19 Quotes That Will Make You Fall in Love With Books All Over Again

national book lovers day

Till my tenth grade I had my head in academic books. My love for books intensified when I joined a library and that place made me feel like living in heaven. My hands set on Enid Blyton books but the day I read ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’ it left me in awe. I mean how can someone write such book? The mystical creatures, the magic, the characters, HOW? I love and respect J.K.Rowling for her magical creation. There would be handful of people on this planet who did not like reading Harry Potter books. I am a complete Potterhead for the matter of fact.

It’s been fifteen years now since my reading marathon (which had halted for 3 years) and still going on. Compared to the avid readers I read a lot less books in a year but I strive to complete Goodreads reading challenge.

Hardy boys, Secret Seven, Famous Five are my all time favorite books. Speaking about authors: Jojo Moyes stole my heart with her ‘Me Before You’. Sophie Kinsella has the skill to uplift the sad mood by her chicklit books. Twenties Girl being the first book I read and shall forever remain in my top 5 books.

How can I not mention ‘P.S.I Love You’ by Cecelia Ahern? I read this book thrice and it never failed to warm my heart and moist my eyes. ‘P.S. I Like You’ by Kasie West is a sweet read. ‘Marshmallows for breakfast’ and ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’ by Dorothy Koomson was such a surprisingly pleasant read. ‘Bell Jar’ by Sylvia Plath was painful but so true.

By now you are right that I am a big fan of contemporary and chicklit books but I do plan to read few classics. I never choose to read a book by ratings given by other readers because sometimes it happens that I actually liked the book which isn’t so raved about.

Few of the Indian authors I love reading are: Twinkle Khanna (OMG! She surprised the whole world with her satirical books), Amish Tripathi, Ravinder Singh.

I still have hundreds of books on my TBR list. I want to read books by Sarah Dessen, John Green, Jennifer Weiner, Leo Tolstoy, Charles Dickens, Marian Keyes, Lindsey Kelk, Colleen Hoover, Cassandra Clarke, Sarah J Mass.

I can go on and on and this post can be never ending. Final word: My biggest aim is to read Game of Thrones. The TV series is raved all over the world but I sort of did not like it. Please don’t send me hate or abuses, we all have our own likes and dislikes 😀

Till next time, Happy Book Lover’s Day once again. Keep reading and bring magic in your life!

benefits of reading

Image source Pexels
Designed in Canva

Sweet Home Alabama

About me, Fighting Infertility, home, life, marriage, POI, write every day

I love Reese Witherspoon.

reese witherspoon

She is my favourite in Big Little Lies TV series among the other major leads and in this movie she was FAB! It had been long time since I watched a whole movie at a stretch in one go. Watching movies on Romedy Now is one of my self-care pamper routine. When I am alone I tune it to see which movie is running and if it is on my to-watch-movie list (yes I do have such list), no one can stop me. It is a perfect way of relaxation. I love their theme: Love. Laugh. Live

It is inspiring how Melanie (Reese Witherspoon character) travels to a big city reinvents her self to become a successful designer. My favourite part starts when she comes back to her hometown (after seven years) to get a divorce from Jake.

It was so hilarious when she meets Jake after seven years and tries to get in their home. Excerpt of the scene:

Jake: [not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses] Can I help you?

Melanie Carmichael: Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.

Jake: You’re shittin’ me, right?

Melanie Carmichael: I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not “shitting” you.

The tussle between two of them was fun because I saw me and H in that situation (LOL). The fight and how with authority she enters the home as if she never left. I visualized myself in her situation because of her stubbornness like I am 😀

Love is beautiful but strange. Melanie and Jake are the childhood sweethearts but lived in separation for many years after marriage. This made me think! I have seen childhood love flourish and also almost ending as if they had never been in love.

And then there are couples who meet late after mid-life and are happy together. Can I conclude that it doesn’t matter when you meet that ‘one’ in your life? I and H were engaged for 9 months before we got married. Woah! Those nine months were lovely, adventurous with pinch of salt and large spoonful of chilly powder. I had got the glimpse of how married life would be for me. 

We fought a lot in early years of marriage. So much so that I had thoughts of divorce and separation. I had even confessed it to him. Things are not going smooth we should take a break from each other. It was may be due to our differences in thinking or whatever it was, over the period I made a truce and shook hands with it. 

Now the fight with infertility causes clashes in our relationship but life is not bad as it was. It gets better and it would get much better if I conceive 😀

happy girl gif

Anyways back to the movie. If you haven’t watched it and now that you have a peek in its storyline I request to at least watch the scene where Melanie visits the Dog Cemetery and the conversation between Jake and her. I had tears rolling down. 

It still amazes me how  we fight with the one but somewhere deep down love exists. But there are also relationship where it turns out too unpleasant to be in each others life and it is best to walk on different paths. Nothing wrong in it. Why should we force the couple to live together when everything is wrong in the root of the relationship? Just because of societal norms, Oh Please! The only thing that exist in such lives is hatred and abuses. I have witnessed it  and so I am of the belief that living separately is best. 

I can’t stress enough on the fact – ‘Life is short.’ So why to live in such unhealthy link? 

Love does exist in various forms. We just got to have eyes to look for it. 

sweet home alabama wedding scene

 

 

 

lovely bones book

The Lovely Bones and Note to Self Podcast

About me, home, life, write every day

educents-magformers
I was very hesitant to pick up the book ‘The Lovely Bones’ by Alice Sebold due to its plot of rape and murder of a teenager. But it was on my TBR list since long and I thought enough, I have to read it. Today I read the first 20 pages and it left me shuddered. I have set my mind not to quit reading. Susie Salmon seems so familiar as everyday a Susie in India is reaped out of her soul with the dirty hands. I don’t want to talk more about it here because this post will be all about anger and vengeance.

lovely bones book

Susie narrates her story from heaven and how she wants to change the life of family after she is gone. This reminded me of the podcast I listened to recently. Note to self is one of my many favorite podcast show. In one of the episode (Messages from the Beyond) they have featured Safe Beyond where we can leave messages in form of video, audio or text to our loved ones after our death. We can set the message according to date, location or event.

The thought made me curious but also raised many questions in my head. I would love H or my child (when I have one) has a living part of me talking with them after I am gone. But then will they like?

Question one: I don’t know my expiry date, so when should I set the video, audio or text.

Question two: What if they slip into grief again if one day I pop up with the recording after they have overcome with the grief of losing me?

But still I love the thought of recording a video for someone who will see it after my last breathe. 

I love to keep a journal. I had stopped many years due to unfavorable circumstances. But I have restarted it again. I had vented my feelings each night in my diaries for 2 years. But I had never ever wanted anyone to read my feelings I had poured in those pages. I was too scared and with the fear one day I ripped the pages of one of the diary. I tore every single page of it. I was sad but also glad that I had it wrote down what I felt.

The other diary still lies safe in my closet. I will come to know if anyone reads it because I have sealed it with duct tape. Opening it is not easy. LOL.

My blogs are a part of me too but is open to everyone. Only my child will have the right to read my journal 😉

Earlier I had vented my emotions of a young adult. It consisted of anger of a teenager, the restlessness of 20 something, the falling in love, getting out of it, of people not understanding me.

The journal I want to start would leave words of wisdom, the struggles, the losses, and failures, getting over them, wins, reaching goals and many more which will help my child or anyone who read it to become a better person. I am not the wisest person but I have learned a lot about ‘Life’ and the lesson is not over yet.

I would end this post here asking: What do you think the idea behind Safe Beyond- the digital legacy?

Image source

MAYBELLINE COLOR PLUSH SILK EYESHADOW

3aa8572c65dd57d46ced22babd0bd8f6_xlargeL'OREAL EYESHADOW

You are special by Max Lucado

You are Special

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, POI

‘I am not what others say I am’, this was the subject of the mail I received by Sarah Titus. This mail came at right time because I was falling back in depression due to PMS symptoms. Why? Why this time too? Anyways I am not here to rant but sharing a beautiful story in her mail.

Have you read ‘You are special’ by Max Lucado? If not read it, rather hear the narration, it would make a greater impact. Read the whole story and I would like to share a small part of it and how I correlated with my life.

Punchinello in the story is me fighting with infertility. Wemmicks are the ones around me giving the dots (bad marks) questioning about my fertility. Eli, the maker of Punchinello is definitely my creator, God.  

Eli: “Looks like you’ve been given some bad marks.”

Punchinello: “I didn’t mean to, Eli. I really tried hard.”

Eli: “Oh, you don’t have to defend yourself to me, child. I don’t care what the other Wemmicks think.”

Punchinello: “You don’t?”

Eli: “No, and you shouldn’t either. Who are they to give stars or dots? They are Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn’t matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special.”

Eli: “The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers. You are special because I made you. And I don’t make mistakes.” 

I had tears but I smiled through them. I am special to God because he made me. He didn’t make mistake by making me fight with POI. Something really good will come at the end of it. I trust him.

You are special by Max Lucado