Random chit-chat, My Favorite fellow bloggers and Award

Today I just want you to listen to me. I want to share my thoughts here and also because I miss talking with friends face to face and not via social media or technology.

best infertility blogs, unique blogger award

I miss my best friend V from school more these days. Life has pulled us apart but we have always been in touch. Now she lives seven oceans apart and I am missing her so badly because chatting with a friend in front of you is far different than on Whatsapp.

Writing is cathartic. As I have mentioned in one of my previous post that I have made few really good friends through blogging. Here I mostly share my struggle with infertility and all about TTC which I still haven’t got courage to share on my other blog.

I have met amazing women here and fellow TTC sisters. Mother of none is the one of the most smart and offbeat blogger I came across. She makes me smile, laugh and cry through her writing because it resonates with my life too.

myjourneycreatinglife and The Hopeful Mama, we share same journey of POF. It is strange how we are located in different parts of this world yet experience same feelings and thoughts. 

ramblingsofaninfertile, Making Baby Joy, Finding Joy in Infertility, Post IVF world , Plan B , heartsongwords are few others I met in this journey and always look forward to hearing from them. I love reading life updates of 40andpregnant

I love the girl behind Dubliner In Deutschland. If you are reading this my heartiest wishes with you for a healthy pregnancy and baby.

I want to Thank from bottom of my heart to Gauri from That Blessed Life for giving me the award Unique Blogger Award. I won’t nominate anyone but I will definitely answer your questions:

Questions-

  1. What is the inspiration behind your blog?

Sharing my life of trying to conceive, the hard life behind it and also making aware to young and everyone about Premature Ovarian Failure or Premature Menopause.

2. What advice you’d give to any blogger?

Write what you feel and not what others want to read. 

3. An incident that makes you feel proud about yourself.

Getting the award of best camper in tenth grade. Long back but still makes me feel proud. 

4. What is your biggest experimental disaster in your kitchen (funny)?

While preparing dough I was listening to music and I was so engrossed in the song I added twice the amount of water in the flour. Imagine the scene and my mom had to come for my rescue.

music cooking writing

5. What really scares you a lot?

Not having a baby (not surprising!)

Thank You once again.

Moving forward with other bloggers. The sensuous and heartfelt poems by awriterssoulblog and ladybug love  , Frank Solanki, Rhythm in Life, The Glitters of Life are worth a read. 

I cannot skip mentioning The Love Letter Projects especially her Monday Love. BEyouTIFUL, you rock girl, my instagram feeds look bright and beautiful with your posts. 

This is it for now. 

happy girl

Happy Book Lover’s Day

I am a day late to wish but better late than never. I have always loved book since I was a child. I do have a faint memory of my first books of Kindergarten. Books are my first love. They are my friends. They never make me feel lonely. I am bit possessive about the books I own. It is difficult for me to lend my books and if I do, they are the most trusted ones.

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors, and the most patient of teachers.” — Charles William Eliot

The smell of new fresh book is mesmerizing. The old ones too carry a charm in them. They show the maturity and how they are sturdy even after many years. The tender, frail paper still holds ocean of knowledge in it.

Books behold fiction, literature, fantasy and many genres within them.

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.

Read the article on Huffington Post – 19 Quotes That Will Make You Fall in Love With Books All Over Again

national book lovers day

Till my tenth grade I had my head in academic books. My love for books intensified when I joined a library and that place made me feel like living in heaven. My hands set on Enid Blyton books but the day I read ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’ it left me in awe. I mean how can someone write such book? The mystical creatures, the magic, the characters, HOW? I love and respect J.K.Rowling for her magical creation. There would be handful of people on this planet who did not like reading Harry Potter books. I am a complete Potterhead for the matter of fact.

It’s been fifteen years now since my reading marathon (which had halted for 3 years) and still going on. Compared to the avid readers I read a lot less books in a year but I strive to complete Goodreads reading challenge.

Hardy boys, Secret Seven, Famous Five are my all time favorite books. Speaking about authors: Jojo Moyes stole my heart with her ‘Me Before You’. Sophie Kinsella has the skill to uplift the sad mood by her chicklit books. Twenties Girl being the first book I read and shall forever remain in my top 5 books.

How can I not mention ‘P.S.I Love You’ by Cecelia Ahern? I read this book thrice and it never failed to warm my heart and moist my eyes. ‘P.S. I Like You’ by Kasie West is a sweet read. ‘Marshmallows for breakfast’ and ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’ by Dorothy Koomson was such a surprisingly pleasant read. ‘Bell Jar’ by Sylvia Plath was painful but so true.

By now you are right that I am a big fan of contemporary and chicklit books but I do plan to read few classics. I never choose to read a book by ratings given by other readers because sometimes it happens that I actually liked the book which isn’t so raved about.

Few of the Indian authors I love reading are: Twinkle Khanna (OMG! She surprised the whole world with her satirical books), Amish Tripathi, Ravinder Singh.

I still have hundreds of books on my TBR list. I want to read books by Sarah Dessen, John Green, Jennifer Weiner, Leo Tolstoy, Charles Dickens, Marian Keyes, Lindsey Kelk, Colleen Hoover, Cassandra Clarke, Sarah J Mass.

I can go on and on and this post can be never ending. Final word: My biggest aim is to read Game of Thrones. The TV series is raved all over the world but I sort of did not like it. Please don’t send me hate or abuses, we all have our own likes and dislikes 😀

Till next time, Happy Book Lover’s Day once again. Keep reading and bring magic in your life!

benefits of reading

Image source Pexels
Designed in Canva

Sweet Home Alabama

I love Reese Witherspoon.

reese witherspoon

She is my favourite in Big Little Lies TV series among the other major leads and in this movie she was FAB! It had been long time since I watched a whole movie at a stretch in one go. Watching movies on Romedy Now is one of my self-care pamper routine. When I am alone I tune it to see which movie is running and if it is on my to-watch-movie list (yes I do have such list), no one can stop me. It is a perfect way of relaxation. I love their theme: Love. Laugh. Live

It is inspiring how Melanie (Reese Witherspoon character) travels to a big city reinvents her self to become a successful designer. My favourite part starts when she comes back to her hometown (after seven years) to get a divorce from Jake.

It was so hilarious when she meets Jake after seven years and tries to get in their home. Excerpt of the scene:

Jake: [not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses] Can I help you?

Melanie Carmichael: Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.

Jake: You’re shittin’ me, right?

Melanie Carmichael: I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not “shitting” you.

The tussle between two of them was fun because I saw me and H in that situation (LOL). The fight and how with authority she enters the home as if she never left. I visualized myself in her situation because of her stubbornness like I am 😀

Love is beautiful but strange. Melanie and Jake are the childhood sweethearts but lived in separation for many years after marriage. This made me think! I have seen childhood love flourish and also almost ending as if they had never been in love.

And then there are couples who meet late after mid-life and are happy together. Can I conclude that it doesn’t matter when you meet that ‘one’ in your life? I and H were engaged for 9 months before we got married. Woah! Those nine months were lovely, adventurous with pinch of salt and large spoonful of chilly powder. I had got the glimpse of how married life would be for me. 

We fought a lot in early years of marriage. So much so that I had thoughts of divorce and separation. I had even confessed it to him. Things are not going smooth we should take a break from each other. It was may be due to our differences in thinking or whatever it was, over the period I made a truce and shook hands with it. 

Now the fight with infertility causes clashes in our relationship but life is not bad as it was. It gets better and it would get much better if I conceive 😀

happy girl gif

Anyways back to the movie. If you haven’t watched it and now that you have a peek in its storyline I request to at least watch the scene where Melanie visits the Dog Cemetery and the conversation between Jake and her. I had tears rolling down. 

It still amazes me how  we fight with the one but somewhere deep down love exists. But there are also relationship where it turns out too unpleasant to be in each others life and it is best to walk on different paths. Nothing wrong in it. Why should we force the couple to live together when everything is wrong in the root of the relationship? Just because of societal norms, Oh Please! The only thing that exist in such lives is hatred and abuses. I have witnessed it  and so I am of the belief that living separately is best. 

I can’t stress enough on the fact – ‘Life is short.’ So why to live in such unhealthy link? 

Love does exist in various forms. We just got to have eyes to look for it. 

sweet home alabama wedding scene

 

 

 

The Lovely Bones and Note to Self Podcast

educents-magformers
I was very hesitant to pick up the book ‘The Lovely Bones’ by Alice Sebold due to its plot of rape and murder of a teenager. But it was on my TBR list since long and I thought enough, I have to read it. Today I read the first 20 pages and it left me shuddered. I have set my mind not to quit reading. Susie Salmon seems so familiar as everyday a Susie in India is reaped out of her soul with the dirty hands. I don’t want to talk more about it here because this post will be all about anger and vengeance.

lovely bones book

Susie narrates her story from heaven and how she wants to change the life of family after she is gone. This reminded me of the podcast I listened to recently. Note to self is one of my many favorite podcast show. In one of the episode (Messages from the Beyond) they have featured Safe Beyond where we can leave messages in form of video, audio or text to our loved ones after our death. We can set the message according to date, location or event.

The thought made me curious but also raised many questions in my head. I would love H or my child (when I have one) has a living part of me talking with them after I am gone. But then will they like?

Question one: I don’t know my expiry date, so when should I set the video, audio or text.

Question two: What if they slip into grief again if one day I pop up with the recording after they have overcome with the grief of losing me?

But still I love the thought of recording a video for someone who will see it after my last breathe. 

I love to keep a journal. I had stopped many years due to unfavorable circumstances. But I have restarted it again. I had vented my feelings each night in my diaries for 2 years. But I had never ever wanted anyone to read my feelings I had poured in those pages. I was too scared and with the fear one day I ripped the pages of one of the diary. I tore every single page of it. I was sad but also glad that I had it wrote down what I felt.

The other diary still lies safe in my closet. I will come to know if anyone reads it because I have sealed it with duct tape. Opening it is not easy. LOL.

My blogs are a part of me too but is open to everyone. Only my child will have the right to read my journal 😉

Earlier I had vented my emotions of a young adult. It consisted of anger of a teenager, the restlessness of 20 something, the falling in love, getting out of it, of people not understanding me.

The journal I want to start would leave words of wisdom, the struggles, the losses, and failures, getting over them, wins, reaching goals and many more which will help my child or anyone who read it to become a better person. I am not the wisest person but I have learned a lot about ‘Life’ and the lesson is not over yet.

I would end this post here asking: What do you think the idea behind Safe Beyond- the digital legacy?

Image source

MAYBELLINE COLOR PLUSH SILK EYESHADOW

3aa8572c65dd57d46ced22babd0bd8f6_xlargeL'OREAL EYESHADOW

You are Special

‘I am not what others say I am’, this was the subject of the mail I received by Sarah Titus. This mail came at right time because I was falling back in depression due to PMS symptoms. Why? Why this time too? Anyways I am not here to rant but sharing a beautiful story in her mail.

Have you read ‘You are special’ by Max Lucado? If not read it, rather hear the narration, it would make a greater impact. Read the whole story and I would like to share a small part of it and how I correlated with my life.

Punchinello in the story is me fighting with infertility. Wemmicks are the ones around me giving the dots (bad marks) questioning about my fertility. Eli, the maker of Punchinello is definitely my creator, God.  

Eli: “Looks like you’ve been given some bad marks.”

Punchinello: “I didn’t mean to, Eli. I really tried hard.”

Eli: “Oh, you don’t have to defend yourself to me, child. I don’t care what the other Wemmicks think.”

Punchinello: “You don’t?”

Eli: “No, and you shouldn’t either. Who are they to give stars or dots? They are Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn’t matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special.”

Eli: “The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers. You are special because I made you. And I don’t make mistakes.” 

I had tears but I smiled through them. I am special to God because he made me. He didn’t make mistake by making me fight with POI. Something really good will come at the end of it. I trust him.

You are special by Max Lucado

 

Take Me Away

happy girl looking

Take me away, to the place where dreams come true

Take me away, to the place where love dwells in each heart

Take me away, to the place where life is not taken for granted

Take me away, to the place where jealousy doesn’t drink happiness

Take me away, to the place where ego doesn’t eat innocence

Take me away, to the place where pervert doesn’t lay its dirty hands

Take me away, to the place where hatred doesn’t kill the love

Take me away, to the place where hate doesn’t burn in the name of love

Take me away, to the place where music ignites love and respect

Take me away, to the place where life is lived to its fullest.

©kohleyed7

Image source

She Lived Her Life She Wanted

Oh boy, did I cry two nights in a row?

girl crying

Image source: GIPHY

No, it wasn’t because of TTC but after watching the last episode of The Vampire Diaries and the next night the movie ‘The Last Word’. One being fiction and the other so close to reality. Let me begin with the Vampire Diaries: Fiction yet the friendship, the brotherhood, the love connected to what life is all about. I could connect with all the emotions: anger, hatred, jealousy, revenge. Have you ever felt the person near you cannot be the person with whom you connect emotionally? Have you ever experienced the unrequited love? Have you ever been reluctant to confess your love? Is there anyone, one single person who knows you so much so that the distance doesn’t matter?

I have asked you many questions. It’s now my turn to answer each one of them. The one person near and always near me is H and I am sad to say that I cannot connect with him on the ground of emotions. We are like the two ends of the pole yet together. I have always been an introvert more over introvert with regards to emotions. It is so difficult to share what I feel. It may be because of my upbringing or my fear that people will laugh at my emotions. I can only write my feelings but sometimes even that is difficult. As I am sharing most of my insides, I want to tell you something.

This isn’t my first or the only blog. This vast world of blogging resides my first blog I started in 2010. Yeah long journey into blogging! That blog is still alive I will keep it alive till my last breathe. That blog is my shadow. It made me realized what I am capable of. I found myself in it. It is my mirror. Whenever life becomes hazy, it clears my vision. It shows me where I stand. It brought out the poet inside me. When I go back to the poems I wrote it reflects how much I have lost in these years. I have lost a part of my life. I have lost my muse. Over the period I came out of my anonymity to only to few fellow bloggers and I am so glad to meet them on this platform. We are still in touch after so many years. But they do not know it is me behind kohleyed7. I do hope sometime soon I will drop down the mask of anonymous here.

anonymous writer

Back to answering the questions. I haven’t experienced an unrequited love but I never confessed my love to the person, the first and only person who caught the real me behind the silence. I thought it must be coincidence but no, each time that person knew what I was thinking. Do I regret it? Yes, I do. I should have at least tried and if the answer had been ‘No’ I would have lived with it but now I may never know.

The answer to the last question: Yes, I have that one person who knows me well where the distance doesn’t matter. I am not lucky but I am blessed to have. I can ping the one anytime of day or night and just few words brings back the calmness inside my turmoil mind.

The Last Word: I cried, I cried towards the end due to sadness and I laughed through my tears. It made me re-think about my obituary, how will it be? Harriet Lauler was a successful woman during her young age but people did not like her but she did something’s at age of 81 to change that. She can do those at 81, I am 30 and I have to work hard. The one reading my obituary would title it as, ‘She lived her life she wanted.’