Why I Love Tag (And You Should, Too!) Fertility Warrior Q & A

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, POI, write every day

Fertility Warrior Q & A

I have been asked by a fellow fertility warrior – Strength through infertility to contribute in raising awareness of infertility & childlessness.  Set up by Post IVF world, the idea is that bloggers answer a set of 10 questions about their own infertility experiences and then add an extra question that we think others may find useful.  In the end there should be a huge amount of information available for people to access which in turn should help raise awareness.

So, here are my answers

  1. Are you male or female?

Female

  1. Where are you in your infertility journey?

TTC since 4 years. Primary infertility (never conceived)

  1. What is your infertility diagnosis if you have one?

Yes I do have one and it is nailed down to Premature Ovarian Failure or Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI). You can read about it more in my post.

  1. How old were you when you got your diagnosis and how old are you now?

I was 29 when the lightnings and thundering stroke my life: I may never have a baby with my own eggs because very few are left.

  1. What do you do to keep your spirits up on the tough days?

It is indeed tough to keep up the spirit living with infertility. I am living each day with the belief: Everything happens for a reason. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently for it will surely take place. It will not be denied.

  1. How do you feel you have been treated by medical professionals?

I myself as a medical professional can’t answer it but I had consulted two specialists. I exactly remember their words. One had said, “The problem is in you not your husband” which definitely did sting me. The other specialist said: “Nature has given you beautiful uterus just that it may not hold your ‘own’ baby.”

Sigh!

  1. Have you been offered support of any kind?

Honestly, none from near and dear ones. My one of the best friend is standing by me and all the support that I have received till now is by you, the fellow #TTC sisterhood.

  1. How do your issues affect you on a day to day basis?

Oh! There are no words to explain the feeling of being stared by all the aunties (as if saying: when? Still no?), watching babies in arms, baby stroller everywhere you go, the pregnant bellies, the advertisements of baby soap, diapers, shampoo, pregnancy shoots, announcement, it goes on and on.

infertility

  1. If you could tell yourself something back when you were first diagnosed, what would it be?

This too shall pass!

  1. Are you open about your infertility? If so, has this helped?  If not, is it something you think might help?

I am opening up about my fertility issues. Yes it has definitely helped me. Most of the things I have shared through writings and I am blessed to have so many of you to understand me.

In my day-to-day life the only person I have talked about this is my ‘guy’ friend and I am amazed how well he understood and stood besides me rather than degrading / blaming me.

My question

What advice will you give to the couples fighting infertility?                                         

NO BLAMING ! If you have infertility due to female factors, do not blame her and this goes vice-versa as well.

outlander

“Promise me you’ll always remember that you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you know.” — Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh

Be supportive. Trust me the support you give to each other in this tough fight is all that matters. The greatest impact of infertility is not just about difficult to conceive but is on a relationship as well. It either becomes stronger or falls apart.

Living with the bitterness for each other is not how you deal with it.

I am not tagging anyone specific but I would like anyone of you going through the same journey as ours, do take up this tag. The answers will be a reflection of your insights. 

infertility

Why I Love Reflective Journal?

About me, Fighting Infertility, home, life, marriage, quotes, Television show, write every day, Writing prompts

Writing a reflective journal

I have raved about my love for journaling many times now so much so that I have premium version of Journal on my desktop. Why do I have it?

  1. I love to write
  2. I am not comfortable talking to a camera for YouTube videos
  3. I want my child (hopeful to have one someday) and grandchildren to know how their mother and grandmother is/was.
  4. A remembrance of my presence in this life.

If I am stuck and can’t come with anything about what to write I turn towards prompts. They spark my thoughts. I am crazy for journal prompts. While searching for the same I came across Penzu – Private online Journal.

So let’s get started!

ABOUT YOU

What’s your ideal birthday gift? Why?

Books! No doubt about this one. But a Macbook would be awesome too 😀

Do you have any unique skills that make you stand out, and do you use them enough?

Writing: which I am implementing more often these days.

I can make people smile or laugh only if I am comfortable with the people I am with.

Sketching: Oh! How I loved it.

What do you hope to be doing with your life in a year? What about in a decade?

I hope to become a full time blogger.

What kinds of thoughts help you fall asleep at night?

I am a sleepyhead. I don’t need any thoughts to fall asleep 😛

sleepyhead

How do you want to improve yourself?

Believing is self each day, every day.

What values are most important to you?

Humanity – a one value, for me it’s a religion. Treat everyone alike. I don’t take any crap when people judge others based on caste, appearance and economic status.

Where do you want to go on your next vacation?

Kerala or Bali.

What are you looking forward to?

Coming two months. I have to take a firm decision.

YOUR EXPERIENCES

If you cannot think of what to write about in your reflective journal, think about your history. There’s a wealth of information to be considered and written about when you reflect on your past, whether you focus on your childhood or just the past week.

How have you grown in the past year?

Well, my belly fat has grown. Apart from this my perseverance has increased and I have taken a step to think about stepping out of my comfort zone.

When was the last time you felt truly content, and why did you feel that way?

Vacation to Kashmir – it was my dream destination.

What’s your favorite memory?

Summer vacation: Waking up watching Talespin, Potli Baba Ki, Different Strokes, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie.

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

Passing tenth and twelfth grade, final year of medical college, selection for job on first interview. What?! Aren’t these accomplishments?

What was your first memory, and why do you think you remember that event in particular?

I was 3 year old and I was playing with the shaving foam while my dad was shaving. I don’t know the reason but after 27 years I do remember it.

How was your day? What were the highs and lows?

My day started being lazy. I woke up one hour late from my set alarm. Celebration of navratri at work by wearing designated color each day.

YOUR BELIEFS

If you need a few more journal prompts, think hard about what you believe in and what you consider important. These questions can help you reflect:

Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens or other supernatural beings? Why?

Ghosts: No. But I might believe when one comes in front of me.

Aliens: I am curious to know about them!

Supernatural: Why not?

What do you think of miracles? Have you ever experienced one?

I will believe in miracles only if my no-functioning ovaries produce one egg to get fertilized. Till then NO!

Which invention are you most impressed by?

Google!!! Tell me one thing you can’t find on it.

Okay, Google don’t have any answer when I type, “What’s my husband doing right now?”

What are your religious beliefs (if any)? What do you think about the religious beliefs of others?

Answered earlier: Humanity. I hold no opinion on what others belief.

YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Your relationships with other people help shape your world, so it’s nice to reflect on them once in a while as you journal:

Which relationships in your life are most important to you?

Parent-child, Teacher-student, Friendship, Spouse.        

Do you feel like you have improved someone’s life at some point? If so, describe how.

I have and keep helping others whenever I can. As for improvement, I believe you yourself can bring improvement.

What qualities do you look for in good friends? How about in potential partners?

Do not expect anything from each other. This only will create a strong bond.

What are your favorite family’s traditions?

Eating meal together.

How do you feel about your current relationship with your friends? Your family members?

Friends: I should share more.

Family members: I get irritated when they talk about my fertility. Which I shouldn’t!

If you could be friends with anyone in the world, who would it be? Why?

Nia Vardalas only because of the quote from her book Instant Mom : “A small social guideline: don’t ask a woman if she is pregnant unless her water breaks on your flip-flops, a baby arm dangles out of her vagina, and she asks you to cut the cord. Then and only then may you ask if she is having a baby. Otherwise, shut up.”

My favorite self-exploration journal:

Did you try searching “What’s my husband doing right now?”? 😛 That’s it for now, see you all soon!

journaling ideas + prompts

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5 Incredible Instagrammers You should follow

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, write every day

Hello everyone,

Hope you all are doing good, rising again after falling, learning from mistakes. Have you started practicing positive affirmations? I would like you to give it a try. Stand in front of the mirror and speak a loud and clear: “You are worthy of all the joys and riches in the universe. I love you”. Do not forget about gratitude, be grateful for this life.

positive affirmation about self-love

“I am worthy of all the joys and riches in the universe.”

Moving ahead with my life! My fertility update: CD 21. PMS symptoms have begun. AF might visit me soon, which is good and bad too. Bad for failing to conceive. Good for, at least I am bleeding despite my Premature ovarian failure.

That’s it for me. I am sharing the instagrammers I love. Apart from my fellow bloggers here (as I’ve mentioned in one of my previous post): motherofnone, beyoutiful, jlmwrites, findingjoyininfertility there are few others I adore. Hop on to their account!

beingmammabear

She is the first mamma I came across on instagram. She has fabulously documented her entire pregnancy on her blog and her every day instagram stories are adorable.

baawri_basanti

I have known this blogger for over 5 years and her 1 sentenced instagram posts are to die for.

readsleepfangirl

If you want your instagram feed to be beautiful and filled with books, follow her.

artist_vibhu

You mustn’t miss the artistry work by this self-taught professional artist.

 My compliments will fall short for her words. You might miss a heart beat after reading her writings and wonder HOW? How one can weave love so beautifully in words?

Have a great day wherever you are!

louise-hay-quotes-building-self-esteem

Grieving The Loss of a Baby I Never Had

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, POI

Have you ever experienced the empty barren feeling? The lives around move but you are desolate from inside. I woke up with this lonesome feeling today.

Should I blame it on hormones of CD3? I will not! H is out of town and I haven’t told him about aunt flo (AF) because I have failed again in this cycle.

I refrain talking about AF to my mom too and as Lord Ganesh is going to arrive in many houses she warns me not to touch him. This infuriates me. If God didn’t want him to be touched by me he never would have created women.

grieving the loss of a baby

Photo by Martin Kníže on Unsplash

And if AF is a taboo then many men have done far worse deeds to be allowed to touch God.

With all these thoughts churning inside me a post in the Huffpost newsletter caught my attention: What You Should Know About Grief, Summed Up In One Illustration.

The theme of the article is: Grief affects everyone differently. I am grieving for the loss of a baby which I never had.

People do not understand my grief, the suffering I am living with every single day. I am not insensitive to the fact that there are females getting pregnant around me, babies are born, kids play. The sight of them stings me; don’t get me wrong but not having one of my own hurts me.

I have been adamant all throughout life but now I break down quite often when the first symptom of PMS strikes me. I have faith in God but I keep fighting with him a lot these days. I keep believing he is testing my patience but I am fearful of my perseverance fading away.

Random chit-chat, My Favorite fellow bloggers and Award

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, write every day

Today I just want you to listen to me. I want to share my thoughts here and also because I miss talking with friends face to face and not via social media or technology.

best infertility blogs, unique blogger award

I miss my best friend V from school more these days. Life has pulled us apart but we have always been in touch. Now she lives seven oceans apart and I am missing her so badly because chatting with a friend in front of you is far different than on Whatsapp.

Writing is cathartic. As I have mentioned in one of my previous post that I have made few really good friends through blogging. Here I mostly share my struggle with infertility and all about TTC which I still haven’t got courage to share on my other blog.

I have met amazing women here and fellow TTC sisters. Mother of none is the one of the most smart and offbeat blogger I came across. She makes me smile, laugh and cry through her writing because it resonates with my life too.

myjourneycreatinglife and The Hopeful Mama, we share same journey of POF. It is strange how we are located in different parts of this world yet experience same feelings and thoughts. 

ramblingsofaninfertile, Making Baby Joy, Finding Joy in Infertility, Post IVF world , Plan B , heartsongwords are few others I met in this journey and always look forward to hearing from them. I love reading life updates of 40andpregnant

I love the girl behind Dubliner In Deutschland. If you are reading this my heartiest wishes with you for a healthy pregnancy and baby.

I want to Thank from bottom of my heart to Gauri from That Blessed Life for giving me the award Unique Blogger Award. I won’t nominate anyone but I will definitely answer your questions:

Questions-

  1. What is the inspiration behind your blog?

Sharing my life of trying to conceive, the hard life behind it and also making aware to young and everyone about Premature Ovarian Failure or Premature Menopause.

2. What advice you’d give to any blogger?

Write what you feel and not what others want to read. 

3. An incident that makes you feel proud about yourself.

Getting the award of best camper in tenth grade. Long back but still makes me feel proud. 

4. What is your biggest experimental disaster in your kitchen (funny)?

While preparing dough I was listening to music and I was so engrossed in the song I added twice the amount of water in the flour. Imagine the scene and my mom had to come for my rescue.

music cooking writing

5. What really scares you a lot?

Not having a baby (not surprising!)

Thank You once again.

Moving forward with other bloggers. The sensuous and heartfelt poems by awriterssoulblog and ladybug love  , Frank Solanki, Rhythm in Life, The Glitters of Life are worth a read. 

I cannot skip mentioning The Love Letter Projects especially her Monday Love. BEyouTIFUL, you rock girl, my instagram feeds look bright and beautiful with your posts. 

This is it for now. 

happy girl