She Lived Her Life She Wanted

Oh boy, did I cry two nights in a row?

girl crying

Image source: GIPHY

No, it wasn’t because of TTC but after watching the last episode of The Vampire Diaries and the next night the movie ‘The Last Word’. One being fiction and the other so close to reality. Let me begin with the Vampire Diaries: Fiction yet the friendship, the brotherhood, the love connected to what life is all about. I could connect with all the emotions: anger, hatred, jealousy, revenge. Have you ever felt the person near you cannot be the person with whom you connect emotionally? Have you ever experienced the unrequited love? Have you ever been reluctant to confess your love? Is there anyone, one single person who knows you so much so that the distance doesn’t matter?

I have asked you many questions. It’s now my turn to answer each one of them. The one person near and always near me is H and I am sad to say that I cannot connect with him on the ground of emotions. We are like the two ends of the pole yet together. I have always been an introvert more over introvert with regards to emotions. It is so difficult to share what I feel. It may be because of my upbringing or my fear that people will laugh at my emotions. I can only write my feelings but sometimes even that is difficult. As I am sharing most of my insides, I want to tell you something.

This isn’t my first or the only blog. This vast world of blogging resides my first blog I started in 2010. Yeah long journey into blogging! That blog is still alive I will keep it alive till my last breathe. That blog is my shadow. It made me realized what I am capable of. I found myself in it. It is my mirror. Whenever life becomes hazy, it clears my vision. It shows me where I stand. It brought out the poet inside me. When I go back to the poems I wrote it reflects how much I have lost in these years. I have lost a part of my life. I have lost my muse. Over the period I came out of my anonymity to only to few fellow bloggers and I am so glad to meet them on this platform. We are still in touch after so many years. But they do not know it is me behind kohleyed7. I do hope sometime soon I will drop down the mask of anonymous here.

anonymous writer

Back to answering the questions. I haven’t experienced an unrequited love but I never confessed my love to the person, the first and only person who caught the real me behind the silence. I thought it must be coincidence but no, each time that person knew what I was thinking. Do I regret it? Yes, I do. I should have at least tried and if the answer had been ‘No’ I would have lived with it but now I may never know.

The answer to the last question: Yes, I have that one person who knows me well where the distance doesn’t matter. I am not lucky but I am blessed to have. I can ping the one anytime of day or night and just few words brings back the calmness inside my turmoil mind.

The Last Word: I cried, I cried towards the end due to sadness and I laughed through my tears. It made me re-think about my obituary, how will it be? Harriet Lauler was a successful woman during her young age but people did not like her but she did something’s at age of 81 to change that. She can do those at 81, I am 30 and I have to work hard. The one reading my obituary would title it as, ‘She lived her life she wanted.’

100 Things That Makes Me Happy

How often do we stress about the big things in our life? All the time! sigh whereas we forget the small things in our day-to-day life that makes us smile and happy.

100 things that make me happy

I am sharing 100 things that make me happy, some are gifts from nature and few are things I never realized before making the list which makes me happy.

Here it goes…

  1. Reading the last chapter of a book
  2. To-do list
  3. Quotes
  4. Preparing healthy recipe
  5. Clean refrigerator
  6. Smell of a new book
  7. Sticky notes
  8. Aeroplanes
  9. Flowers
  10. Clean sheets
  11. New haircut
  12. Hallmark and Disney movies
  13. Butterflies
  14. Ice cream
  15. Bookstore
  16. Diyas
  17. Window seat in a train
  18. Rain drops
  19. Printables
  20. Handwritten letters
  21. Old chats
  22. Paper handbags
  23. Painting nails
  24. Moon gazing
  25. Candid photos
  26. Snuggling in bed during rains
  27. Office supplies
  28. Opening parcels
  29. Waking up without an alarm
  30. Old photographs
  31. Finding perfect gift
  32. WhatsApping my friend
  33. Perfect selfie
  34. Favorite song playing on radio
  35. Surprises
  36. Email from bloggers
  37. Smile of a baby
  38. Offering seat to aged
  39. Smell after first rain
  40. Lying in bed doing nothing
  41. Puppies
  42. Baby clothes
  43. Stock photos
  44. Horizon
  45. Chalkboard
  46. Cute cutleries
  47. Flawless eyeliner and kohl eyes
  48. Tea (made by me)
  49. Adele songs
  50. Fox life and TLC shows100 things that make me happy
  51. Painting
  52. Sea water brushing against feet
  53. Windchimes
  54. Fairylights
  55. Face masks
  56. Grocery shopping
  57. Pinterest
  58. Podcasts on Player FM
  59. Clue (tracks my menstrual cycle which tumbles every now and then due to Primary ovarian failure)
  60. Writing in my online journal – Journey
  61. Stripped Tops
  62. Purple Color
  63. Organization
  64. Canva
  65. Glitter eyeshadows
  66. Guitar
  67. Solitude
  68. Candles
  69. Being thanked
  70. Peacock feather
  71. Pasta
  72. Bubbles
  73. Yummy smell while passing by a restaurant 
  74. Long nap 😉
  75. First sip of lemonade on a hot day
  76. Song resembling life
  77. Rainbow
  78. Text from someone I was thinking of
  79. School report cards
  80. New dress
  81. Owls
  82. Shells
  83. DIYs
  84. Bossing my dad 😀
  85. Necklace
  86. Rangoli
  87. Hot fomentation after tiring day
  88. Smoothies
  89. Placing water for birds
  90. Direct shower on head and back (relieves the stress, trust me!)
  91. Capturing life moments
  92. Footwear (I am junkie when it comes to footwear but H restricts me from buying, ‘coz there in no space to keep them)
  93. Chirping sparrows
  94. Budding plant
  95. Chocolates during PMS
  96. When H pays the bill for my shopping (lol)
  97. Waking up on holiday
  98. Candle-lit dark room
  99. Sunflower
  100. Kid holding my finger

 

I am sure your list may vary from this. 

My Eulogy- Goodbye, too soon!

Hey Bumbum,

You lost the bet! You left this world before me. Me, who smoke 2 packets of cigarettes each day and ferment every weekends till I drop.  How not smoking not drinking and eating healthy food led you to the deathbed. (You should have smoked or had a peg with me) I know you must be infuriated and finding ways to convey your anger through the emoticons 😛

Who will lend me ears when I want to speak out at mid-night? Who will understand the sense in my non-sense? Who will understand that I want to say something when I say ‘nothing’?

You kept our friendship alive even after your alliance. I had doubted you would. You were amazing at keeping every relation alive. I was bit furious, bit happy, and little bit sad after you broke the news of engagement. But you balanced friendship and personal life undoubtedly. (You acted like a grown-up in certain situations :D)

Should I stop if you are getting bored? :O But I will continue to blabber as you cannot STOP ME 😛 After all I have got this one and only chance to annoy you 😀 😀 (How I love doing that!)

People never knew you ‘well’. How would they? You never revealed your inner-self each and every one  who stumbled in life. I must say, you were ‘picky one’ when choosing people.You had wonderful skill to ignore people you don’t like without even them knowing the fact you hate dislike them.

These were the good things about you as a person. Now let me list down the bad/dark side or the side which I hated.

Number one: You cursed self at many occasions during working in initial days(you were doing the duty, as the work demanded)

Number two: You never put forward what you wanted. This landed you in soup, let me be very clear about this. You could have ended the bitter relationship a long back.

Number three: You never gave me much time of yours. Yes I hated that. Whom would have I turned for opinions on my personal life?

Number four: I hated you married a bit early in the life. Why? I am sounding selfish, but I needed you more in my life.

Number five: I hate you for living this world before me.

I will not miss you. I can never miss you. Missing you would mean I have forgotten you. Could I ever?

personal eulogy speech

 

Photocredit: Photopin
This post is written for daily writing prompts: January 25
Dearly departed
Write your own eulogy.