lovely bones book

The Lovely Bones and Note to Self Podcast

About me, home, life, write every day

I was very hesitant to pick up the book ‘The Lovely Bones’ by Alice Sebold due to its plot of rape and murder of a teenager. But it was on my TBR list since long and I thought enough, I have to read it. Today I read the first 20 pages and it left me shuddered. I have set my mind not to quit reading. Susie Salmon seems so familiar as everyday a Susie in India is reaped out of her soul with the dirty hands. I don’t want to talk more about it here because this post will be all about anger and vengeance.

lovely bones book

Susie narrates her story from heaven and how she wants to change the life of family after she is gone. This reminded me of the podcast I listened to recently. Note to self is one of my many favorite podcast show. In one of the episode (Messages from the Beyond) they have featured Safe Beyond where we can leave messages in form of video, audio or text to our loved ones after our death. We can set the message according to date, location or event.

The thought made me curious but also raised many questions in my head. I would love H or my child (when I have one) has a living part of me talking with them after I am gone. But then will they like?

Question one: I don’t know my expiry date, so when should I set the video, audio or text.

Question two: What if they slip into grief again if one day I pop up with the recording after they have overcome with the grief of losing me?

But still I love the thought of recording a video for someone who will see it after my last breathe. 

I love to keep a journal. I had stopped many years due to unfavorable circumstances. But I have restarted it again. I had vented my feelings each night in my diaries for 2 years. But I had never ever wanted anyone to read my feelings I had poured in those pages. I was too scared and with the fear one day I ripped the pages of one of the diary. I tore every single page of it. I was sad but also glad that I had it wrote down what I felt.

The other diary still lies safe in my closet. I will come to know if anyone reads it because I have sealed it with duct tape. Opening it is not easy. LOL.

My blogs are a part of me too but is open to everyone. Only my child will have the right to read my journal 😉

Earlier I had vented my emotions of a young adult. It consisted of anger of a teenager, the restlessness of 20 something, the falling in love, getting out of it, of people not understanding me.

The journal I want to start would leave words of wisdom, the struggles, the losses, and failures, getting over them, wins, reaching goals and many more which will help my child or anyone who read it to become a better person. I am not the wisest person but I have learned a lot about ‘Life’ and the lesson is not over yet.

I would end this post here asking: What do you think the idea behind Safe Beyond- the digital legacy?

Image source


3aa8572c65dd57d46ced22babd0bd8f6_xlargeL'OREAL EYESHADOW

obituary, biography

She Lived Her Life She Wanted

About me, life, Self-love

Oh boy, did I cry two nights in a row?

girl crying

Image source: GIPHY

No, it wasn’t because of TTC but after watching the last episode of The Vampire Diaries and the next night the movie ‘The Last Word’. One being fiction and the other so close to reality. Let me begin with the Vampire Diaries: Fiction yet the friendship, the brotherhood, the love connected to what life is all about. I could connect with all the emotions: anger, hatred, jealousy, revenge. Have you ever felt the person near you cannot be the person with whom you connect emotionally? Have you ever experienced the unrequited love? Have you ever been reluctant to confess your love? Is there anyone, one single person who knows you so much so that the distance doesn’t matter?

I have asked you many questions. It’s now my turn to answer each one of them. The one person near and always near me is H and I am sad to say that I cannot connect with him on the ground of emotions. We are like the two ends of the pole yet together. I have always been an introvert more over introvert with regards to emotions. It is so difficult to share what I feel. It may be because of my upbringing or my fear that people will laugh at my emotions. I can only write my feelings but sometimes even that is difficult. As I am sharing most of my insides, I want to tell you something.

This isn’t my first or the only blog. This vast world of blogging resides my first blog I started in 2010. Yeah long journey into blogging! That blog is still alive I will keep it alive till my last breathe. That blog is my shadow. It made me realized what I am capable of. I found myself in it. It is my mirror. Whenever life becomes hazy, it clears my vision. It shows me where I stand. It brought out the poet inside me. When I go back to the poems I wrote it reflects how much I have lost in these years. I have lost a part of my life. I have lost my muse. Over the period I came out of my anonymity to only to few fellow bloggers and I am so glad to meet them on this platform. We are still in touch after so many years. But they do not know it is me behind kohleyed7. I do hope sometime soon I will drop down the mask of anonymous here.

anonymous writer

Back to answering the questions. I haven’t experienced an unrequited love but I never confessed my love to the person, the first and only person who caught the real me behind the silence. I thought it must be coincidence but no, each time that person knew what I was thinking. Do I regret it? Yes, I do. I should have at least tried and if the answer had been ‘No’ I would have lived with it but now I may never know.

The answer to the last question: Yes, I have that one person who knows me well where the distance doesn’t matter. I am not lucky but I am blessed to have. I can ping the one anytime of day or night and just few words brings back the calmness inside my turmoil mind.

The Last Word: I cried, I cried towards the end due to sadness and I laughed through my tears. It made me re-think about my obituary, how will it be? Harriet Lauler was a successful woman during her young age but people did not like her but she did something’s at age of 81 to change that. She can do those at 81, I am 30 and I have to work hard. The one reading my obituary would title it as, ‘She lived her life she wanted.’

My Eulogy- Goodbye, too soon!

About me, life, write every day, writing challenge

Hey Bumbum,

You lost the bet! You left this world before me. Me, who smoke 2 packets of cigarettes each day and ferment every weekends till I drop.  How not smoking not drinking and eating healthy food led you to the deathbed. (You should have smoked or had a peg with me) I know you must be infuriated and finding ways to convey your anger through the emoticons 😛

Who will lend me ears when I want to speak out at mid-night? Who will understand the sense in my non-sense? Who will understand that I want to say something when I say ‘nothing’?

You kept our friendship alive even after your alliance. I had doubted you would. You were amazing at keeping every relation alive. I was bit furious, bit happy, and little bit sad after you broke the news of engagement. But you balanced friendship and personal life undoubtedly. (You acted like a grown-up in certain situations :D)

Should I stop if you are getting bored? :O But I will continue to blabber as you cannot STOP ME 😛 After all I have got this one and only chance to annoy you 😀 😀 (How I love doing that!)

People never knew you ‘well’. How would they? You never revealed your inner-self each and every one  who stumbled in life. I must say, you were ‘picky one’ when choosing people.You had wonderful skill to ignore people you don’t like without even them knowing the fact you hate dislike them.

These were the good things about you as a person. Now let me list down the bad/dark side or the side which I hated.

Number one: You cursed self at many occasions during working in initial days(you were doing the duty, as the work demanded)

Number two: You never put forward what you wanted. This landed you in soup, let me be very clear about this. You could have ended the bitter relationship a long back.

Number three: You never gave me much time of yours. Yes I hated that. Whom would have I turned for opinions on my personal life?

Number four: I hated you married a bit early in the life. Why? I am sounding selfish, but I needed you more in my life.

Number five: I hate you for living this world before me.

I will not miss you. I can never miss you. Missing you would mean I have forgotten you. Could I ever?

personal eulogy speech


Photocredit: Photopin
This post is written for daily writing prompts: January 25
Dearly departed
Write your own eulogy.

Will I eat human meat if I am starving to death?

life, write every day, writing challenge

Daily writing prompts

January 23


Read the story of Richard Parker and Tom Dudley. Is what Dudley did defensible? What would you have done?

3 things the brain will signal me when I am in such danger is to: Survive! The ‘survival instinct’ is the famous term applicable to every living being. The popular TV show ‘Man vs Wild‘ is demonstrates the survival skills in all the possible dangerous circumstances.wp-1485169170199.png

Have you watched the movie ‘Alive‘ based on a true plane crash? The starving passengers eat the meat of the dead companions. The big ‘WHY?’. To Survive!

The above mentioned story of Dudley’s action who kills Parker only because he was in coma, defensible or not? Human brain is amazing and strange. Who can predict how will it make us think in danger!

Would I have done that? Let me leave it on my ‘survival instinct‘.

What do you think?