Happy Book Lover’s Day

I am a day late to wish but better late than never. I have always loved book since I was a child. I do have a faint memory of my first books of Kindergarten. Books are my first love. They are my friends. They never make me feel lonely. I am bit possessive about the books I own. It is difficult for me to lend my books and if I do, they are the most trusted ones.

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors, and the most patient of teachers.” — Charles William Eliot

The smell of new fresh book is mesmerizing. The old ones too carry a charm in them. They show the maturity and how they are sturdy even after many years. The tender, frail paper still holds ocean of knowledge in it.

Books behold fiction, literature, fantasy and many genres within them.

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.

Read the article on Huffington Post – 19 Quotes That Will Make You Fall in Love With Books All Over Again

national book lovers day

Till my tenth grade I had my head in academic books. My love for books intensified when I joined a library and that place made me feel like living in heaven. My hands set on Enid Blyton books but the day I read ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’ it left me in awe. I mean how can someone write such book? The mystical creatures, the magic, the characters, HOW? I love and respect J.K.Rowling for her magical creation. There would be handful of people on this planet who did not like reading Harry Potter books. I am a complete Potterhead for the matter of fact.

It’s been fifteen years now since my reading marathon (which had halted for 3 years) and still going on. Compared to the avid readers I read a lot less books in a year but I strive to complete Goodreads reading challenge.

Hardy boys, Secret Seven, Famous Five are my all time favorite books. Speaking about authors: Jojo Moyes stole my heart with her ‘Me Before You’. Sophie Kinsella has the skill to uplift the sad mood by her chicklit books. Twenties Girl being the first book I read and shall forever remain in my top 5 books.

How can I not mention ‘P.S.I Love You’ by Cecelia Ahern? I read this book thrice and it never failed to warm my heart and moist my eyes. ‘P.S. I Like You’ by Kasie West is a sweet read. ‘Marshmallows for breakfast’ and ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’ by Dorothy Koomson was such a surprisingly pleasant read. ‘Bell Jar’ by Sylvia Plath was painful but so true.

By now you are right that I am a big fan of contemporary and chicklit books but I do plan to read few classics. I never choose to read a book by ratings given by other readers because sometimes it happens that I actually liked the book which isn’t so raved about.

Few of the Indian authors I love reading are: Twinkle Khanna (OMG! She surprised the whole world with her satirical books), Amish Tripathi, Ravinder Singh.

I still have hundreds of books on my TBR list. I want to read books by Sarah Dessen, John Green, Jennifer Weiner, Leo Tolstoy, Charles Dickens, Marian Keyes, Lindsey Kelk, Colleen Hoover, Cassandra Clarke, Sarah J Mass.

I can go on and on and this post can be never ending. Final word: My biggest aim is to read Game of Thrones. The TV series is raved all over the world but I sort of did not like it. Please don’t send me hate or abuses, we all have our own likes and dislikes 😀

Till next time, Happy Book Lover’s Day once again. Keep reading and bring magic in your life!

benefits of reading

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The Lovely Bones and Note to Self Podcast

educents-magformers
I was very hesitant to pick up the book ‘The Lovely Bones’ by Alice Sebold due to its plot of rape and murder of a teenager. But it was on my TBR list since long and I thought enough, I have to read it. Today I read the first 20 pages and it left me shuddered. I have set my mind not to quit reading. Susie Salmon seems so familiar as everyday a Susie in India is reaped out of her soul with the dirty hands. I don’t want to talk more about it here because this post will be all about anger and vengeance.

lovely bones book

Susie narrates her story from heaven and how she wants to change the life of family after she is gone. This reminded me of the podcast I listened to recently. Note to self is one of my many favorite podcast show. In one of the episode (Messages from the Beyond) they have featured Safe Beyond where we can leave messages in form of video, audio or text to our loved ones after our death. We can set the message according to date, location or event.

The thought made me curious but also raised many questions in my head. I would love H or my child (when I have one) has a living part of me talking with them after I am gone. But then will they like?

Question one: I don’t know my expiry date, so when should I set the video, audio or text.

Question two: What if they slip into grief again if one day I pop up with the recording after they have overcome with the grief of losing me?

But still I love the thought of recording a video for someone who will see it after my last breathe. 

I love to keep a journal. I had stopped many years due to unfavorable circumstances. But I have restarted it again. I had vented my feelings each night in my diaries for 2 years. But I had never ever wanted anyone to read my feelings I had poured in those pages. I was too scared and with the fear one day I ripped the pages of one of the diary. I tore every single page of it. I was sad but also glad that I had it wrote down what I felt.

The other diary still lies safe in my closet. I will come to know if anyone reads it because I have sealed it with duct tape. Opening it is not easy. LOL.

My blogs are a part of me too but is open to everyone. Only my child will have the right to read my journal 😉

Earlier I had vented my emotions of a young adult. It consisted of anger of a teenager, the restlessness of 20 something, the falling in love, getting out of it, of people not understanding me.

The journal I want to start would leave words of wisdom, the struggles, the losses, and failures, getting over them, wins, reaching goals and many more which will help my child or anyone who read it to become a better person. I am not the wisest person but I have learned a lot about ‘Life’ and the lesson is not over yet.

I would end this post here asking: What do you think the idea behind Safe Beyond- the digital legacy?

Image source

MAYBELLINE COLOR PLUSH SILK EYESHADOW

3aa8572c65dd57d46ced22babd0bd8f6_xlargeL'OREAL EYESHADOW

5 Favorite TV shows, Movies and My Infertility

This post is not to mock anyone. It is just my effort to be happy even with the big ‘I’ word – Infertility. Let’s get started, shall I?

infertility causes, tv series

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The Vampire Diaries:

Don’t you smirk! I LOVE IT. I am addicted to it and am hooked to the last vampire diaries season 8. I love the evil yet adorable Damon (not a surprise, ain’t it?) I am jealous of Elena. Anyways I am not here to write about my favorite characters.

I wish I could switch my humanity as vampires can which makes them evil and hungry for blood. I will turn my emotions off and attack all those who treat infertile couples especially women as… (I can’t write the word which is in my head, hope you guessed it)

Yes I want to be a vampire with my humanity shut off, after all vampires too can’t reproduce and I there would have been no need of all the infertility treatment. I wonder whose blood I would drink to be one. (Secretly wishing its Damon Salvatore, LOL. He never stopped loving Elena)

vampire diaries cast

Source: GIPHY

Give me the powers of Siren like the evil sisters – Sybil and Seline I would drill in the heads of people asking, “When are you going to have a baby, are you planning, what’s wrong?” and make them feel the emotional pain I am going through.

I am kind of being a little bit evil here, but hey try standing in my shoes of infertile; you won’t be able to walk even half a mile!

Lastly I want a friend, a confidante like Bonnie Bennett whom I can share anything and everything about my ‘not able to have a baby in my belly’ situation because she is all ears. And I cannot restrain myself asking her ‘what are my causes of infertility and when will I have one?’ with her psychic abilities; couldn’t hurt to request 😉

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I had watched the season where Monica and Chandler come to know about their infertility before my marriage. Not even my wildest dreams I could have imagined the same for me. I remember the episode wherein Monica wants to try after positive ovulation test but Chandler doesn’t want because they were fighting. That’s so resonate with reality.

It takes great deal of strength for a couple to go through this journey together. I guess there are very few couples like Monica and Chandler who can say ‘I am sorry…I am sorry too.”

friends tv show sitcom

Chasing Life

Please tell me I am not the only one who adored this Chasing Life TV series. How can they just stop it? If the makers are reading this, I plead to you, continue the show. I loved April, her bestie Beth and the wacky Leo. I may not die of infertility considering the fight of April with cancer, but there is lot to learn from her. I can empathize with her feelings. Her quote, “There’s no such thing as 5 minutes for me anymore, every minute counts.”

Let me reframe it, “There’s no such thing as take a break from trying for me anymore, every day after ovulation counts.”

I certainly know how I am gonna come out of this long disturbing journey:

chasing life tv show

The Last Word

Harriet Lauler took risks and lived a life she wanted with no regrets. And this was the reason no one spoke something “good” for her obituary. I do not want to spoil the movie plot here rather I want to share something insightful.

Harriet Lauler: Taking risks is what life is all about. I took a risk. I went to college and in my day oh! no man wanted to marry a woman who was educated, no man wanted to marry a woman who worked, no man wanted to marry a woman that he worked for. And my favorite was no one wanted to marry a woman in business but those were the risks I was willing to take.

Kid: Why? Why did you take those risks?

Harriet Lauler: Because there was no way I was not going to live up to my potential. Now you have to ask yourself this question:

“Are you willing to take a risk to do something stupid?”  or “Are you willing to take a risk to do something great?”

The last word movie quotes

How does this dialogue connect to my infertility? I took a risk of stopping hormonal pills. I took the risk of not opting for IVF. But am I ready to take a risk of taking the decision or at least thinking that it is ‘OK’ if I never have a baby of my own?

I was stung by strange who fired a question at me, “What will happen if you do not conceive? If not then it doesn’t make any difference, you have the right to be happy in life despite it.”

Well at this stage of my life I am not willing to take the risk of saying, ‘It’s OK’.

Me Before You

I need not re-write it again. Read the entire post on the movie here.

Thank you for reading and the support. Hope you like the post.

I do not own any rights for the images used in this post

 

 

Me Before You

I had dived into the book ‘Me Before You’ without reading the synopsis. And am so glad I didn’t because it turned out to be the best reads. It was lying on my to-be-read books for long time  and randomly started reading and couldn’t put it down. This was last year. I wanted to keep reading what happens in the end and yet at the same time didn’t want to finish because it would be over.

The movie came much after the release of the book and there was no doubt I could miss it. Book had set high expectations and I am so impressed the movie fulfilled it (which most of the adapted movies lack).

Don’t Forget About Me – CLOVES

The oh so gorgeous Will Traynor and the chatty Louisa Clark ignites sparks in the darkness of my mind. Last night I rewatched the movie, not the whole but my favorite scenes.

Life is been more or less like Will Traynor – paraplegic (not literally) but infertility is snatching away every bit of peace within me. No matter how hard I try to be cheerful, the ‘when’ slaps me. I wish there was a ‘Dignitas’ for me too – To live with dignity, To die with dignity.

I have started craving solitude more than often because there would be no one to ask those questions. There is no one I could share my feelings with, not even H. In fact I keep wanting to stay away from him (ridiculous I know).

I have stopped all kind of medicines and treatment. Too tiring – physically and mentally. I am waiting for it to happen ‘naturally’ or let me rest in peace as Will Traynor did at the end!

100 Things That Makes Me Happy

How often do we stress about the big things in our life? All the time! sigh whereas we forget the small things in our day-to-day life that makes us smile and happy.

100 things that make me happy

I am sharing 100 things that make me happy, some are gifts from nature and few are things I never realized before making the list which makes me happy.

Here it goes…

  1. Reading the last chapter of a book
  2. To-do list
  3. Quotes
  4. Preparing healthy recipe
  5. Clean refrigerator
  6. Smell of a new book
  7. Sticky notes
  8. Aeroplanes
  9. Flowers
  10. Clean sheets
  11. New haircut
  12. Hallmark and Disney movies
  13. Butterflies
  14. Ice cream
  15. Bookstore
  16. Diyas
  17. Window seat in a train
  18. Rain drops
  19. Printables
  20. Handwritten letters
  21. Old chats
  22. Paper handbags
  23. Painting nails
  24. Moon gazing
  25. Candid photos
  26. Snuggling in bed during rains
  27. Office supplies
  28. Opening parcels
  29. Waking up without an alarm
  30. Old photographs
  31. Finding perfect gift
  32. WhatsApping my friend
  33. Perfect selfie
  34. Favorite song playing on radio
  35. Surprises
  36. Email from bloggers
  37. Smile of a baby
  38. Offering seat to aged
  39. Smell after first rain
  40. Lying in bed doing nothing
  41. Puppies
  42. Baby clothes
  43. Stock photos
  44. Horizon
  45. Chalkboard
  46. Cute cutleries
  47. Flawless eyeliner and kohl eyes
  48. Tea (made by me)
  49. Adele songs
  50. Fox life and TLC shows100 things that make me happy
  51. Painting
  52. Sea water brushing against feet
  53. Windchimes
  54. Fairylights
  55. Face masks
  56. Grocery shopping
  57. Pinterest
  58. Podcasts on Player FM
  59. Clue (tracks my menstrual cycle which tumbles every now and then due to Primary ovarian failure)
  60. Writing in my online journal – Journey
  61. Stripped Tops
  62. Purple Color
  63. Organization
  64. Canva
  65. Glitter eyeshadows
  66. Guitar
  67. Solitude
  68. Candles
  69. Being thanked
  70. Peacock feather
  71. Pasta
  72. Bubbles
  73. Yummy smell while passing by a restaurant 
  74. Long nap 😉
  75. First sip of lemonade on a hot day
  76. Song resembling life
  77. Rainbow
  78. Text from someone I was thinking of
  79. School report cards
  80. New dress
  81. Owls
  82. Shells
  83. DIYs
  84. Bossing my dad 😀
  85. Necklace
  86. Rangoli
  87. Hot fomentation after tiring day
  88. Smoothies
  89. Placing water for birds
  90. Direct shower on head and back (relieves the stress, trust me!)
  91. Capturing life moments
  92. Footwear (I am junkie when it comes to footwear but H restricts me from buying, ‘coz there in no space to keep them)
  93. Chirping sparrows
  94. Budding plant
  95. Chocolates during PMS
  96. When H pays the bill for my shopping (lol)
  97. Waking up on holiday
  98. Candle-lit dark room
  99. Sunflower
  100. Kid holding my finger

 

I am sure your list may vary from this. 

I had a nervous breakdown

Warning: This post starts with a depressing note but could end with a happy note.

Friday evening 6 pm:

I came back from work, entered the empty home as always. I kept down my handbag and groceries and headed to freshen up. As soon as I saw my reflection in the mirror I broke. I don’t know why and how but I cried and sobbed. I felt as if the reflection is not me. Have you ever felt the same? I questioned myself looking in the mirror. I couldn’t shout but my anger came out through the gritted teeth.

It lasted for 5 minutes and I calmed down. After the downpour of tears I knew exactly why I broke down. I had kept them inside me for too long.

Secondly I was in pain, I am in pain. I am talking about physical one. Since few days I am having severe cramps in my back and lower abdomen. My abdomen is bloated as if it would burst. It was a great struggle traveling and sitting at workplace. I couldn’t share my pain with anyone, ANYONE. Why? I might be PMS pain. It means one more month passed by without getting pregnant. It was a relief that H is out of town otherwise I would have to bear the pain without showing it through my expression.

The pain reached its limit on Friday and half of Saturday so much so that I don’t even remember how many times I filled the hot water bag just to get some relief. I did not take any pain relievers. Hoping, simply hoping what if the pain is not of PMS but a sign of implantation. But does it hurt so much? Can anyone share or guide me through your experience?

I slept through most of the Saturday morning. I needed it. I have been eating healthy foods still the pain won’t budge. Let me tell you hormones and healthy eating never goes hand in hand. Hormones are their own master. No one can rule over them. Even medicines after certain period of time can’t handle them. And mine have become overpowering to control them.

Reading has become my ultimate distraction from the pain and the overall ‘getting pregnant’. I have been loving solitude more than ever now. It is agonizing that even the beloved ones do not understand my suffering. Yes ‘infertility’ is a ‘suffering’.

P.S. I like you’ by Kasie West rescued me from falling into nervous breakdown. I read it in 3 days (the fastest time considering balancing work life and home chores). I couldn’t keep it down. My mind couldn’t take off the book, telling me to finish reading it. The story line is predictable but the narration, the words exchanged between the characters and above all the letters and the lyrics (both are my weakness). A handwritten note or a letter can never be compared with a text or an email even though the later are faster to send through.

One of my favorite line from the book which appropriately suits my current life situation:

“I feel like if I hold things close, never share, then I never give anyone the opportunity to judge me.”

P.S. I like you‘ was the first book I read by Kasie West and now I am eager to read her other books.

The book reminded me of another favorite of mine which also has songs in it. This led me to hear the song  Maybe Someday – Griffin Peterson again.

I am all set to read ‘Committed’ by Elizabeth Gilbert, the sequel to ‘eat pray love‘ which I read 6 years ago. I had loved it. The book sparked my reading journey again which had taken a halt due to my studies and graduation.

Ending this post with the quote shared in ‘Committed: A Love Story’ in the very beginning.

I said I would end the post on a happy note 🙂

queen victoria quotes, quotes on marriage, marriage quotes, quotes in committted book by elizabeth gilbert

My reading and writing space

 

A genie has granted your wish to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like?

I have always imagined how my writing space should be. Reading- I can read anywhere. Now-a-days most of my reading is during travelling in Mumbai local trains. Yes! I squeeze my book or tab in the crowded train just to read. Reading blanks out the crowd and fights/abuses around. In fact I have so habituated to it now when I read at home with complete silence I feel sleepy while reading. (Such is the impact :P)

Anyways, back to answering the question. I don’t want a luxurious space for writing. Imagine a meter long wooden table, brown would be ideal and a chair complementing it.  On the table would be my laptop, a case to hold colorful pens, pencils and paper
pins, post-it stickers and a clock.  Hard copy of book I am reading or kindle format in tablet.

blackbird

There would be diaries, yes, DIARIES! I am a big fan of writing everything down- The Old school tip! How can I not have my headphones!

A board with my monthly planner, favorite quotes (again a huge fan of) and photos. As simple as that.

Writing prompt:February 3, Writing room