Words Have Power

About me, life, quotes, Self-love, write every day

Words have power. They can make you or break you. I am sure you must be talking inside the head. I DO IT! ALL THE TIME!

Have you ever noticed or realised what you think, you become? Thoughts maketh man! I can’t stress enough how important it is to think rational, to think positive.

No one loves you? No big deal! You can love yourself, can’t you? I was introduced to ‘Self-love’ when I had undergone training for REBT. It was magical knowing about the importance of self-love and self-care.

One of the outcomes of self-love is reciting positive affirmation each day of my life. I have begun to smile when I look at myself in the mirror. And God! It feels so good.

Apart from 100 things that make me happy, in my previous post I wrote about ‘journaling’ which calms me. It is helping me to uncover my own subconscious mind. I do not write every day but the days I write I realize when I am drifting into darkness or negativity.

I came across ‘journaling’ or to be precise ‘morning pages’ in one of the videos on YouTube. The concept of morning pages came from the movement called ‘The Artist’s Way’ by author Julia Cameron. I quote here from the site:

Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. *There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages*– they are not high art. They are not even “writing.” They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind– and they are for your eyes only. Morning Pages provoke, clarify, comfort, cajole, prioritize and synchronize the day at hand. Do not over-think Morning Pages: just put three pages of anything on the page…and then do three more pages tomorrow.

But I write mostly at night time because I’m a night owl 😛

Coming back to positive affirmation here I am sharing my favourite ones. They are simply awesome, right? Do share yours.

positive affirmation

positive affirmation

positive affirmation

positive affirmation

My most favorite one which resonates my infertility 😀

positive affirmation

I do not own any right to the images or the positive affirmations. I have only designed it on Canva. Image Source: Pexels

 

obituary, biography

She Lived Her Life She Wanted

About me, life, Self-love

Oh boy, did I cry two nights in a row?

girl crying

Image source: GIPHY

No, it wasn’t because of TTC but after watching the last episode of The Vampire Diaries and the next night the movie ‘The Last Word’. One being fiction and the other so close to reality. Let me begin with the Vampire Diaries: Fiction yet the friendship, the brotherhood, the love connected to what life is all about. I could connect with all the emotions: anger, hatred, jealousy, revenge. Have you ever felt the person near you cannot be the person with whom you connect emotionally? Have you ever experienced the unrequited love? Have you ever been reluctant to confess your love? Is there anyone, one single person who knows you so much so that the distance doesn’t matter?

I have asked you many questions. It’s now my turn to answer each one of them. The one person near and always near me is H and I am sad to say that I cannot connect with him on the ground of emotions. We are like the two ends of the pole yet together. I have always been an introvert more over introvert with regards to emotions. It is so difficult to share what I feel. It may be because of my upbringing or my fear that people will laugh at my emotions. I can only write my feelings but sometimes even that is difficult. As I am sharing most of my insides, I want to tell you something.

This isn’t my first or the only blog. This vast world of blogging resides my first blog I started in 2010. Yeah long journey into blogging! That blog is still alive I will keep it alive till my last breathe. That blog is my shadow. It made me realized what I am capable of. I found myself in it. It is my mirror. Whenever life becomes hazy, it clears my vision. It shows me where I stand. It brought out the poet inside me. When I go back to the poems I wrote it reflects how much I have lost in these years. I have lost a part of my life. I have lost my muse. Over the period I came out of my anonymity to only to few fellow bloggers and I am so glad to meet them on this platform. We are still in touch after so many years. But they do not know it is me behind kohleyed7. I do hope sometime soon I will drop down the mask of anonymous here.

anonymous writer

Back to answering the questions. I haven’t experienced an unrequited love but I never confessed my love to the person, the first and only person who caught the real me behind the silence. I thought it must be coincidence but no, each time that person knew what I was thinking. Do I regret it? Yes, I do. I should have at least tried and if the answer had been ‘No’ I would have lived with it but now I may never know.

The answer to the last question: Yes, I have that one person who knows me well where the distance doesn’t matter. I am not lucky but I am blessed to have. I can ping the one anytime of day or night and just few words brings back the calmness inside my turmoil mind.

The Last Word: I cried, I cried towards the end due to sadness and I laughed through my tears. It made me re-think about my obituary, how will it be? Harriet Lauler was a successful woman during her young age but people did not like her but she did something’s at age of 81 to change that. She can do those at 81, I am 30 and I have to work hard. The one reading my obituary would title it as, ‘She lived her life she wanted.’

5 Favorite TV shows, Movies and My Infertility

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, marriage, quotes, Self-love

This post is not to mock anyone. It is just my effort to be happy even with the big ‘I’ word – Infertility. Let’s get started, shall I?

infertility causes, tv series

Image source: Pexel Designed on: Canva

The Vampire Diaries:

Don’t you smirk! I LOVE IT. I am addicted to it and am hooked to the last vampire diaries season 8. I love the evil yet adorable Damon (not a surprise, ain’t it?) I am jealous of Elena. Anyways I am not here to write about my favorite characters.

I wish I could switch my humanity as vampires can which makes them evil and hungry for blood. I will turn my emotions off and attack all those who treat infertile couples especially women as… (I can’t write the word which is in my head, hope you guessed it)

Yes I want to be a vampire with my humanity shut off, after all vampires too can’t reproduce and I there would have been no need of all the infertility treatment. I wonder whose blood I would drink to be one. (Secretly wishing its Damon Salvatore, LOL. He never stopped loving Elena)

vampire diaries cast

Source: GIPHY

Give me the powers of Siren like the evil sisters – Sybil and Seline I would drill in the heads of people asking, “When are you going to have a baby, are you planning, what’s wrong?” and make them feel the emotional pain I am going through.

I am kind of being a little bit evil here, but hey try standing in my shoes of infertile; you won’t be able to walk even half a mile!

Lastly I want a friend, a confidante like Bonnie Bennett whom I can share anything and everything about my ‘not able to have a baby in my belly’ situation because she is all ears. And I cannot restrain myself asking her ‘what are my causes of infertility and when will I have one?’ with her psychic abilities; couldn’t hurt to request 😉

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I had watched the season where Monica and Chandler come to know about their infertility before my marriage. Not even my wildest dreams I could have imagined the same for me. I remember the episode wherein Monica wants to try after positive ovulation test but Chandler doesn’t want because they were fighting. That’s so resonate with reality.

It takes great deal of strength for a couple to go through this journey together. I guess there are very few couples like Monica and Chandler who can say ‘I am sorry…I am sorry too.”

friends tv show sitcom

Chasing Life

Please tell me I am not the only one who adored this Chasing Life TV series. How can they just stop it? If the makers are reading this, I plead to you, continue the show. I loved April, her bestie Beth and the wacky Leo. I may not die of infertility considering the fight of April with cancer, but there is lot to learn from her. I can empathize with her feelings. Her quote, “There’s no such thing as 5 minutes for me anymore, every minute counts.”

Let me reframe it, “There’s no such thing as take a break from trying for me anymore, every day after ovulation counts.”

I certainly know how I am gonna come out of this long disturbing journey:

chasing life tv show

The Last Word

Harriet Lauler took risks and lived a life she wanted with no regrets. And this was the reason no one spoke something “good” for her obituary. I do not want to spoil the movie plot here rather I want to share something insightful.

Harriet Lauler: Taking risks is what life is all about. I took a risk. I went to college and in my day oh! no man wanted to marry a woman who was educated, no man wanted to marry a woman who worked, no man wanted to marry a woman that he worked for. And my favorite was no one wanted to marry a woman in business but those were the risks I was willing to take.

Kid: Why? Why did you take those risks?

Harriet Lauler: Because there was no way I was not going to live up to my potential. Now you have to ask yourself this question:

“Are you willing to take a risk to do something stupid?”  or “Are you willing to take a risk to do something great?”

The last word movie quotes

How does this dialogue connect to my infertility? I took a risk of stopping hormonal pills. I took the risk of not opting for IVF. But am I ready to take a risk of taking the decision or at least thinking that it is ‘OK’ if I never have a baby of my own?

I was stung by strange who fired a question at me, “What will happen if you do not conceive? If not then it doesn’t make any difference, you have the right to be happy in life despite it.”

Well at this stage of my life I am not willing to take the risk of saying, ‘It’s OK’.

Me Before You

I need not re-write it again. Read the entire post on the movie here.

Thank you for reading and the support. Hope you like the post.

I do not own any rights for the images used in this post

 

 

100 Things That Makes Me Happy

About me, Fighting Infertility, home, life, marriage, Self-love

How often do we stress about the big things in our life? All the time! sigh whereas we forget the small things in our day-to-day life that makes us smile and happy.

100 things that make me happy

I am sharing 100 things that make me happy, some are gifts from nature and few are things I never realized before making the list which makes me happy.

Here it goes…

  1. Reading the last chapter of a book
  2. To-do list
  3. Quotes
  4. Preparing healthy recipe
  5. Clean refrigerator
  6. Smell of a new book
  7. Sticky notes
  8. Aeroplanes
  9. Flowers
  10. Clean sheets
  11. New haircut
  12. Hallmark and Disney movies
  13. Butterflies
  14. Ice cream
  15. Bookstore
  16. Diyas
  17. Window seat in a train
  18. Rain drops
  19. Printables
  20. Handwritten letters
  21. Old chats
  22. Paper handbags
  23. Painting nails
  24. Moon gazing
  25. Candid photos
  26. Snuggling in bed during rains
  27. Office supplies
  28. Opening parcels
  29. Waking up without an alarm
  30. Old photographs
  31. Finding perfect gift
  32. WhatsApping my friend
  33. Perfect selfie
  34. Favorite song playing on radio
  35. Surprises
  36. Email from bloggers
  37. Smile of a baby
  38. Offering seat to aged
  39. Smell after first rain
  40. Lying in bed doing nothing
  41. Puppies
  42. Baby clothes
  43. Stock photos
  44. Horizon
  45. Chalkboard
  46. Cute cutleries
  47. Flawless eyeliner and kohl eyes
  48. Tea (made by me)
  49. Adele songs
  50. Fox life and TLC shows100 things that make me happy
  51. Painting
  52. Sea water brushing against feet
  53. Windchimes
  54. Fairylights
  55. Face masks
  56. Grocery shopping
  57. Pinterest
  58. Podcasts on Player FM
  59. Clue (tracks my menstrual cycle which tumbles every now and then due to Primary ovarian failure)
  60. Writing in my online journal – Journey
  61. Stripped Tops
  62. Purple Color
  63. Organization
  64. Canva
  65. Glitter eyeshadows
  66. Guitar
  67. Solitude
  68. Candles
  69. Being thanked
  70. Peacock feather
  71. Pasta
  72. Bubbles
  73. Yummy smell while passing by a restaurant 
  74. Long nap 😉
  75. First sip of lemonade on a hot day
  76. Song resembling life
  77. Rainbow
  78. Text from someone I was thinking of
  79. School report cards
  80. New dress
  81. Owls
  82. Shells
  83. DIYs
  84. Bossing my dad 😀
  85. Necklace
  86. Rangoli
  87. Hot fomentation after tiring day
  88. Smoothies
  89. Placing water for birds
  90. Direct shower on head and back (relieves the stress, trust me!)
  91. Capturing life moments
  92. Footwear (I am junkie when it comes to footwear but H restricts me from buying, ‘coz there in no space to keep them)
  93. Chirping sparrows
  94. Budding plant
  95. Chocolates during PMS
  96. When H pays the bill for my shopping (lol)
  97. Waking up on holiday
  98. Candle-lit dark room
  99. Sunflower
  100. Kid holding my finger

 

I am sure your list may vary from this. 

I have strangled conditional love

life, Self-love, write every day, writing challenge

January 24

Ready, set, go

Set a timer for ten minutes. Open a new post. Start the
timer, and start writing. When the timer goes off, publish.

I am listening to 101 Powerful thoughts by Louise Hay.  I stumbled randomly on it while searching for something else. Isn’t it amazing we are blessed with wonders when were seeking else?

Life has kicked my ass hard enough many times. (“Life, were you hoping that I won’t get up. Bang! You are wrong) I pushed myself up when there was no helping hands.

My favorite thought I am listening is, “The people around us are the mirror of our life.” We interact with only those when something strikes inside that this person is the one we want to be.

Love. What is love? It is said love should be unconditional. But is it really? Aren’t we suffocating love with deep underlying selfishness. Where does all the jealousy come from? Why can’t we live with the quote: Set love free, if it comes back it is yours to keep. Still we are scared. We fear loneliness. In order to keep love with us, we somehow strangles it.

words-however-kind-cant-mend-your-heartachebut-those-who-care-and-share-your-loss-wish-youcomfort-and-peace-of-mind

Self-love. A thin line differentiating it with ego. I first learned about self-love during my training for Personnel Counselling by Robert Carkhuff’s model. We are so ignorant. We seek love here and there and forget that we ought to love our self. It is blissful- self love. Remember it is not ego!

Talking about Counselling, I also underwent training on REBT– a revolutionary therapy by Albert Ellis. It is so true. We disturb our self by the many irrational thoughts dwelling within us.

Time to change those irrational thoughts to rational one and times up too!

-kohleyed

WRITE, EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE – Day 16

life, Self-love, write every day, writing challenge

January 16

Toot your horn

Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favorite thing about yourself

I am all about self-love. The favorite thing about myself is: I am a good listener. I am all ears!

Have you ever tried to ‘listen’ someone? I don’t need to elaborate the difference between hearing and listening.

I love to talk, but listening is what I like the most. Ever wished that someone could understand you? What is the core feeling behind it? The feeling is of ‘listening’. How many times we have yelled, “Please listen to me!”?

I have listened to many people in the recent years due to my profession. It is definitely not bored of talking, it is taking interest what the person wants to convey.

Listening is an art. If you can extract the hidden meaning behind the spoken words, then you were actually listening. What else any one wants other than compassionate?

I am not an expert, but over the years, I have learned that what you hear may not be always true. I am not being arrogant but I am happy that I am able to unveil the true emotions when a person tries to hide them behind their words.

As I said, I’m all ears, I can extract the real emotion!

-kohleyed7