Why I Love Tag (And You Should, Too!) Fertility Warrior Q & A

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, POI, write every day

Fertility Warrior Q & A

I have been asked by a fellow fertility warrior – Strength through infertility to contribute in raising awareness of infertility & childlessness.  Set up by Post IVF world, the idea is that bloggers answer a set of 10 questions about their own infertility experiences and then add an extra question that we think others may find useful.  In the end there should be a huge amount of information available for people to access which in turn should help raise awareness.

So, here are my answers

  1. Are you male or female?

Female

  1. Where are you in your infertility journey?

TTC since 4 years. Primary infertility (never conceived)

  1. What is your infertility diagnosis if you have one?

Yes I do have one and it is nailed down to Premature Ovarian Failure or Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI). You can read about it more in my post.

  1. How old were you when you got your diagnosis and how old are you now?

I was 29 when the lightnings and thundering stroke my life: I may never have a baby with my own eggs because very few are left.

  1. What do you do to keep your spirits up on the tough days?

It is indeed tough to keep up the spirit living with infertility. I am living each day with the belief: Everything happens for a reason. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently for it will surely take place. It will not be denied.

  1. How do you feel you have been treated by medical professionals?

I myself as a medical professional can’t answer it but I had consulted two specialists. I exactly remember their words. One had said, “The problem is in you not your husband” which definitely did sting me. The other specialist said: “Nature has given you beautiful uterus just that it may not hold your ‘own’ baby.”

Sigh!

  1. Have you been offered support of any kind?

Honestly, none from near and dear ones. My one of the best friend is standing by me and all the support that I have received till now is by you, the fellow #TTC sisterhood.

  1. How do your issues affect you on a day to day basis?

Oh! There are no words to explain the feeling of being stared by all the aunties (as if saying: when? Still no?), watching babies in arms, baby stroller everywhere you go, the pregnant bellies, the advertisements of baby soap, diapers, shampoo, pregnancy shoots, announcement, it goes on and on.

infertility

  1. If you could tell yourself something back when you were first diagnosed, what would it be?

This too shall pass!

  1. Are you open about your infertility? If so, has this helped?  If not, is it something you think might help?

I am opening up about my fertility issues. Yes it has definitely helped me. Most of the things I have shared through writings and I am blessed to have so many of you to understand me.

In my day-to-day life the only person I have talked about this is my ‘guy’ friend and I am amazed how well he understood and stood besides me rather than degrading / blaming me.

My question

What advice will you give to the couples fighting infertility?                                         

NO BLAMING ! If you have infertility due to female factors, do not blame her and this goes vice-versa as well.

outlander

“Promise me you’ll always remember that you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you know.” — Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh

Be supportive. Trust me the support you give to each other in this tough fight is all that matters. The greatest impact of infertility is not just about difficult to conceive but is on a relationship as well. It either becomes stronger or falls apart.

Living with the bitterness for each other is not how you deal with it.

I am not tagging anyone specific but I would like anyone of you going through the same journey as ours, do take up this tag. The answers will be a reflection of your insights. 

infertility

5 Common Causes of Irregular Periods

About me, Fighting Infertility, POI, write every day

You don’t want to be surprised with the appearance of Aunt Flo and carry sanitary pads or tampons along with everywhere you go. Guess what?! It never arrives. You are smart enough to rule out the primary cause of amenorrhea or reason of missed period- Pregnancy and during breastfeeding.

5 questions every menstruating woman should note down if she has irregular period:

  1. What is the mechanism of menstruation?
  2. Why the bleeding hasn’t begun?
  3. Why did I menstruate early this month?
  4. Why did my period stop suddenly?
  5. What are the causes of irregular period?

I want this post easy to understand without the heavy medical terminologies.

What every woman should know about menstruation?

  • Irregular period is common
  • Every woman does not have 28 days menstrual cycle
  • The range of menstrual cycle can be between every 20 to 35 days provided they are consistent.

What exactly is irregular period?

If the bleeding occurs within 20 days in a given month, 35 days the next month, spotting in between, or absence of bleeding for many months (ruling out pregnancy).

If you stand in any of this range, you must get evaluated further with a health care provider.

causes of irregular periodsPhoto by Roman Bozhko on Unsplash

COMMON CAUSES OF IRREGULAR PERIOD:

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS, PCOD)

PCOS is the most common endocrine disorder affecting 1 in 10 women. As the name suggests, there are multiple ovarian cyst formation. Irregular period is the common symptom in PCOS.

To explain it in simple terms: Cysts = multiple follicles growing haphazardly = size of ovaries increases = no formation of egg (anovulation) = hormonal imbalance = absence of menses = abnormal growth of hair (especially face)

Anovulation is the main cause of infertility in cases of polycystic ovarian syndrome.

The stats of PCOS cases are ever increasing but what exactly causes it is still obscure.

Endometriosis

It is a painful condition where the tissue found in uterus grows around ovaries, fallopian tubes and other pelvic organs.

Slight spotting or bleeding begins before actual menstrual period. Endometriosis is cause of infertility in about 20 to 40 % cases.

Thyroid gland disorders

Thyroid gland is a butterfly shaped organ situated at the base of neck. It can be said that it is one of the major controller of our body which has its effect on heart, brain, kidney, in other words: inspector of all the major organs.

Usually there is bleeding between periods or heavy bleeding in cases of thyroid gland diseases.

Eating disorders

Anorexia (refusing to eat) and bulimia (overeating followed by self-induced vomiting or fasting) grossly affects menstrual cycle.

Birth control pills

Yes its true, in some females the pills does affect the menstrual cycle either the bleeding is in spots or there is delay in onset of menstruation.

The above conditions are not the only causes of irregular menstrual cycle. I suggest you consult a gynaecologist for further investigation and treatment.

Investigation of irregular period is must for every woman even in those who have decided not to bear a child. Menstrual cycle is an essential part of our body where the hormones when secreted in normal quantity keep us healthy. There are many menstrual tracker apps available. Start using one of them. The one I use is Clue and it helps me tracking the cycle length because my menstrual cycle fluctuates due to premature ovarian failure.

Best Apps to track periodPhoto by rawpixel.com on Unsplash

The Best Period Tracker Apps:

Clue Period Tracker: Period & Ovulation Tracker

Period Tracker – Menstrual Calendar

Eve Period Tracker & Sexual Health App

Glow Period & Ovulation Tracker, Fertility App

Grieving The Loss of a Baby I Never Had

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, POI

Have you ever experienced the empty barren feeling? The lives around move but you are desolate from inside. I woke up with this lonesome feeling today.

Should I blame it on hormones of CD3? I will not! H is out of town and I haven’t told him about aunt flo (AF) because I have failed again in this cycle.

I refrain talking about AF to my mom too and as Lord Ganesh is going to arrive in many houses she warns me not to touch him. This infuriates me. If God didn’t want him to be touched by me he never would have created women.

grieving the loss of a baby

Photo by Martin Kníže on Unsplash

And if AF is a taboo then many men have done far worse deeds to be allowed to touch God.

With all these thoughts churning inside me a post in the Huffpost newsletter caught my attention: What You Should Know About Grief, Summed Up In One Illustration.

The theme of the article is: Grief affects everyone differently. I am grieving for the loss of a baby which I never had.

People do not understand my grief, the suffering I am living with every single day. I am not insensitive to the fact that there are females getting pregnant around me, babies are born, kids play. The sight of them stings me; don’t get me wrong but not having one of my own hurts me.

I have been adamant all throughout life but now I break down quite often when the first symptom of PMS strikes me. I have faith in God but I keep fighting with him a lot these days. I keep believing he is testing my patience but I am fearful of my perseverance fading away.

Sweet Home Alabama

About me, Fighting Infertility, home, life, marriage, POI, write every day

I love Reese Witherspoon.

reese witherspoon

She is my favourite in Big Little Lies TV series among the other major leads and in this movie she was FAB! It had been long time since I watched a whole movie at a stretch in one go. Watching movies on Romedy Now is one of my self-care pamper routine. When I am alone I tune it to see which movie is running and if it is on my to-watch-movie list (yes I do have such list), no one can stop me. It is a perfect way of relaxation. I love their theme: Love. Laugh. Live

It is inspiring how Melanie (Reese Witherspoon character) travels to a big city reinvents her self to become a successful designer. My favourite part starts when she comes back to her hometown (after seven years) to get a divorce from Jake.

It was so hilarious when she meets Jake after seven years and tries to get in their home. Excerpt of the scene:

Jake: [not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses] Can I help you?

Melanie Carmichael: Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.

Jake: You’re shittin’ me, right?

Melanie Carmichael: I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not “shitting” you.

The tussle between two of them was fun because I saw me and H in that situation (LOL). The fight and how with authority she enters the home as if she never left. I visualized myself in her situation because of her stubbornness like I am 😀

Love is beautiful but strange. Melanie and Jake are the childhood sweethearts but lived in separation for many years after marriage. This made me think! I have seen childhood love flourish and also almost ending as if they had never been in love.

And then there are couples who meet late after mid-life and are happy together. Can I conclude that it doesn’t matter when you meet that ‘one’ in your life? I and H were engaged for 9 months before we got married. Woah! Those nine months were lovely, adventurous with pinch of salt and large spoonful of chilly powder. I had got the glimpse of how married life would be for me. 

We fought a lot in early years of marriage. So much so that I had thoughts of divorce and separation. I had even confessed it to him. Things are not going smooth we should take a break from each other. It was may be due to our differences in thinking or whatever it was, over the period I made a truce and shook hands with it. 

Now the fight with infertility causes clashes in our relationship but life is not bad as it was. It gets better and it would get much better if I conceive 😀

happy girl gif

Anyways back to the movie. If you haven’t watched it and now that you have a peek in its storyline I request to at least watch the scene where Melanie visits the Dog Cemetery and the conversation between Jake and her. I had tears rolling down. 

It still amazes me how  we fight with the one but somewhere deep down love exists. But there are also relationship where it turns out too unpleasant to be in each others life and it is best to walk on different paths. Nothing wrong in it. Why should we force the couple to live together when everything is wrong in the root of the relationship? Just because of societal norms, Oh Please! The only thing that exist in such lives is hatred and abuses. I have witnessed it  and so I am of the belief that living separately is best. 

I can’t stress enough on the fact – ‘Life is short.’ So why to live in such unhealthy link? 

Love does exist in various forms. We just got to have eyes to look for it. 

sweet home alabama wedding scene

 

 

 

You are special by Max Lucado

You are Special

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, POI

‘I am not what others say I am’, this was the subject of the mail I received by Sarah Titus. This mail came at right time because I was falling back in depression due to PMS symptoms. Why? Why this time too? Anyways I am not here to rant but sharing a beautiful story in her mail.

Have you read ‘You are special’ by Max Lucado? If not read it, rather hear the narration, it would make a greater impact. Read the whole story and I would like to share a small part of it and how I correlated with my life.

Punchinello in the story is me fighting with infertility. Wemmicks are the ones around me giving the dots (bad marks) questioning about my fertility. Eli, the maker of Punchinello is definitely my creator, God.  

Eli: “Looks like you’ve been given some bad marks.”

Punchinello: “I didn’t mean to, Eli. I really tried hard.”

Eli: “Oh, you don’t have to defend yourself to me, child. I don’t care what the other Wemmicks think.”

Punchinello: “You don’t?”

Eli: “No, and you shouldn’t either. Who are they to give stars or dots? They are Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn’t matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special.”

Eli: “The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers. You are special because I made you. And I don’t make mistakes.” 

I had tears but I smiled through them. I am special to God because he made me. He didn’t make mistake by making me fight with POI. Something really good will come at the end of it. I trust him.

You are special by Max Lucado