Forget Me Not

About me, life

Hey my fellow TTC sisters and friends,

I am so sorry for not blogging and updating you with my life. I have been AWOL.

Have you ever experienced that life is running fast yet slow at the same time? Confusing, I l know. Fate has been conspiring to make me overwhelmed and apprehensive since a month. I am really caught up emotionally right now.

I am sorry Sprha Prarthita, I am not able to work on what we are planning about.

I am giving myself this one months’ time to recover and get back on track. I give you all my word to visit you soon.

I promise to be back with new stuff, new plans and much more. Look forward to this blog www.waitingforbabyinbelly.com rising again.

Try to remember me sometimes…

Let’s stay in touch: kohleyed7@gmail.com

Instagram, Twitter handle: kohleyed7

forget me not

Why I Love Tag (And You Should, Too!) Fertility Warrior Q & A

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, POI, write every day

Fertility Warrior Q & A

I have been asked by a fellow fertility warrior – Strength through infertility to contribute in raising awareness of infertility & childlessness.  Set up by Post IVF world, the idea is that bloggers answer a set of 10 questions about their own infertility experiences and then add an extra question that we think others may find useful.  In the end there should be a huge amount of information available for people to access which in turn should help raise awareness.

So, here are my answers

  1. Are you male or female?

Female

  1. Where are you in your infertility journey?

TTC since 4 years. Primary infertility (never conceived)

  1. What is your infertility diagnosis if you have one?

Yes I do have one and it is nailed down to Premature Ovarian Failure or Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI). You can read about it more in my post.

  1. How old were you when you got your diagnosis and how old are you now?

I was 29 when the lightnings and thundering stroke my life: I may never have a baby with my own eggs because very few are left.

  1. What do you do to keep your spirits up on the tough days?

It is indeed tough to keep up the spirit living with infertility. I am living each day with the belief: Everything happens for a reason. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently for it will surely take place. It will not be denied.

  1. How do you feel you have been treated by medical professionals?

I myself as a medical professional can’t answer it but I had consulted two specialists. I exactly remember their words. One had said, “The problem is in you not your husband” which definitely did sting me. The other specialist said: “Nature has given you beautiful uterus just that it may not hold your ‘own’ baby.”

Sigh!

  1. Have you been offered support of any kind?

Honestly, none from near and dear ones. My one of the best friend is standing by me and all the support that I have received till now is by you, the fellow #TTC sisterhood.

  1. How do your issues affect you on a day to day basis?

Oh! There are no words to explain the feeling of being stared by all the aunties (as if saying: when? Still no?), watching babies in arms, baby stroller everywhere you go, the pregnant bellies, the advertisements of baby soap, diapers, shampoo, pregnancy shoots, announcement, it goes on and on.

infertility

  1. If you could tell yourself something back when you were first diagnosed, what would it be?

This too shall pass!

  1. Are you open about your infertility? If so, has this helped?  If not, is it something you think might help?

I am opening up about my fertility issues. Yes it has definitely helped me. Most of the things I have shared through writings and I am blessed to have so many of you to understand me.

In my day-to-day life the only person I have talked about this is my ‘guy’ friend and I am amazed how well he understood and stood besides me rather than degrading / blaming me.

My question

What advice will you give to the couples fighting infertility?                                         

NO BLAMING ! If you have infertility due to female factors, do not blame her and this goes vice-versa as well.

outlander

“Promise me you’ll always remember that you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you know.” — Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh

Be supportive. Trust me the support you give to each other in this tough fight is all that matters. The greatest impact of infertility is not just about difficult to conceive but is on a relationship as well. It either becomes stronger or falls apart.

Living with the bitterness for each other is not how you deal with it.

I am not tagging anyone specific but I would like anyone of you going through the same journey as ours, do take up this tag. The answers will be a reflection of your insights. 

infertility

Why I Love Reflective Journal?

About me, Fighting Infertility, home, life, marriage, quotes, Television show, write every day, Writing prompts

Writing a reflective journal

I have raved about my love for journaling many times now so much so that I have premium version of Journal on my desktop. Why do I have it?

  1. I love to write
  2. I am not comfortable talking to a camera for YouTube videos
  3. I want my child (hopeful to have one someday) and grandchildren to know how their mother and grandmother is/was.
  4. A remembrance of my presence in this life.

If I am stuck and can’t come with anything about what to write I turn towards prompts. They spark my thoughts. I am crazy for journal prompts. While searching for the same I came across Penzu – Private online Journal.

So let’s get started!

ABOUT YOU

What’s your ideal birthday gift? Why?

Books! No doubt about this one. But a Macbook would be awesome too 😀

Do you have any unique skills that make you stand out, and do you use them enough?

Writing: which I am implementing more often these days.

I can make people smile or laugh only if I am comfortable with the people I am with.

Sketching: Oh! How I loved it.

What do you hope to be doing with your life in a year? What about in a decade?

I hope to become a full time blogger.

What kinds of thoughts help you fall asleep at night?

I am a sleepyhead. I don’t need any thoughts to fall asleep 😛

sleepyhead

How do you want to improve yourself?

Believing is self each day, every day.

What values are most important to you?

Humanity – a one value, for me it’s a religion. Treat everyone alike. I don’t take any crap when people judge others based on caste, appearance and economic status.

Where do you want to go on your next vacation?

Kerala or Bali.

What are you looking forward to?

Coming two months. I have to take a firm decision.

YOUR EXPERIENCES

If you cannot think of what to write about in your reflective journal, think about your history. There’s a wealth of information to be considered and written about when you reflect on your past, whether you focus on your childhood or just the past week.

How have you grown in the past year?

Well, my belly fat has grown. Apart from this my perseverance has increased and I have taken a step to think about stepping out of my comfort zone.

When was the last time you felt truly content, and why did you feel that way?

Vacation to Kashmir – it was my dream destination.

What’s your favorite memory?

Summer vacation: Waking up watching Talespin, Potli Baba Ki, Different Strokes, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie.

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

Passing tenth and twelfth grade, final year of medical college, selection for job on first interview. What?! Aren’t these accomplishments?

What was your first memory, and why do you think you remember that event in particular?

I was 3 year old and I was playing with the shaving foam while my dad was shaving. I don’t know the reason but after 27 years I do remember it.

How was your day? What were the highs and lows?

My day started being lazy. I woke up one hour late from my set alarm. Celebration of navratri at work by wearing designated color each day.

YOUR BELIEFS

If you need a few more journal prompts, think hard about what you believe in and what you consider important. These questions can help you reflect:

Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens or other supernatural beings? Why?

Ghosts: No. But I might believe when one comes in front of me.

Aliens: I am curious to know about them!

Supernatural: Why not?

What do you think of miracles? Have you ever experienced one?

I will believe in miracles only if my no-functioning ovaries produce one egg to get fertilized. Till then NO!

Which invention are you most impressed by?

Google!!! Tell me one thing you can’t find on it.

Okay, Google don’t have any answer when I type, “What’s my husband doing right now?”

What are your religious beliefs (if any)? What do you think about the religious beliefs of others?

Answered earlier: Humanity. I hold no opinion on what others belief.

YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Your relationships with other people help shape your world, so it’s nice to reflect on them once in a while as you journal:

Which relationships in your life are most important to you?

Parent-child, Teacher-student, Friendship, Spouse.        

Do you feel like you have improved someone’s life at some point? If so, describe how.

I have and keep helping others whenever I can. As for improvement, I believe you yourself can bring improvement.

What qualities do you look for in good friends? How about in potential partners?

Do not expect anything from each other. This only will create a strong bond.

What are your favorite family’s traditions?

Eating meal together.

How do you feel about your current relationship with your friends? Your family members?

Friends: I should share more.

Family members: I get irritated when they talk about my fertility. Which I shouldn’t!

If you could be friends with anyone in the world, who would it be? Why?

Nia Vardalas only because of the quote from her book Instant Mom : “A small social guideline: don’t ask a woman if she is pregnant unless her water breaks on your flip-flops, a baby arm dangles out of her vagina, and she asks you to cut the cord. Then and only then may you ask if she is having a baby. Otherwise, shut up.”

My favorite self-exploration journal:

Did you try searching “What’s my husband doing right now?”? 😛 That’s it for now, see you all soon!

journaling ideas + prompts

This post does contain affiliate link.

The Good Wife: It took me 8 years to watch it!

Fighting Infertility, life, marriage, Television show, write every day

Seriously I wasn’t even interested having a sneak peek of it. Firstly the title ‘the good wife’ did not fascinate me. Secondly I thought it would be same court room television drama but I was wrong. I was so wrong.

It is raining rats and dogs in Mumbai with strong winds, lightning and randomly I was browsing through the shows on Amazon prime video. I gave a look to the good wife show and started it with a homemade pizza giving me company.

The pilot episode features Alicias’ (the protagonist) first case of retrial of a woman accused of murdering her ex. After their first meeting Alicia advises the woman which was so fabulous and true to the fact.

“You like reading? I’m going to get you some books. Fiction is best. You won’t feel like it, but put on nice clothes and makeup. Force yourself to. Not for court for you. It’s the superficial things that matter most right now. Does it ever get easier? No. But you do get better at it.”

I can relate to the nice clothes and makeup. Since coming to face-to-face with infertility I am in love of getting ready. Even if I run late in the morning, I put on some compact, kohl, mascara and a lipstick before stepping out. I do it not with the intention of being attractive or hide my flaws but I do it because it makes me happy. I feel confident with it. Have you tried? No? Give it a try ladies!

Going ahead with the show: “Childs, you’ve obviously never made a woman angry before.” (Scene where Glenn Child meets Alicia after her first case) Woah! Now this was something to keep me going. I felt like cheering for this lady and shout, “You Go Girl!”

I always believe fiction has truth at its root and the strength which Alicia has and lives with for her children, is indeed admirable.

Two episodes down, I have a long journey with the good wife. Have you watched it?

the good wife dram television

Photo by Alexander Solodukhin on Unsplash

If My Life Was A Soundtrack

About me, life, write every day, Writing prompts

if my life was a soundtrack

If my life was a soundtrack

It would start with a slow beat of a piano

That matches my first giggle as a baby

It would play with the tune of my laughter

That brings on tears of joy and sometimes sorrow

If my life was a soundtrack

It would resemble “What doesn’t kill you make you stronger

With my anxiety and depression

It would play loud “Because of You

With all my mistakes and misery

If my life was a soundtrack

I will aim for “Breaking the habit

To breakdown my fear and heal the wound

I will dance to “Halo

To confess my love and embrace the truth

If my life was a soundtrack

I will play “It’s my life

Because I ain’t gonna live forever

I will keep singing:

Paate hum hai zindagi ek baar (We only get one chance to live)

Kyun na kare khul ke hum isko pyar ( Then why shouldn’t we love it)

 Jaane kiska hai hum mein intezar (Who knows for whom are we waiting)

Ke zindagi yehi hai aur yahin” (As this is life, and here is life)

5 Common Causes of Irregular Periods

About me, Fighting Infertility, POI, write every day

You don’t want to be surprised with the appearance of Aunt Flo and carry sanitary pads or tampons along with everywhere you go. Guess what?! It never arrives. You are smart enough to rule out the primary cause of amenorrhea or reason of missed period- Pregnancy and during breastfeeding.

5 questions every menstruating woman should note down if she has irregular period:

  1. What is the mechanism of menstruation?
  2. Why the bleeding hasn’t begun?
  3. Why did I menstruate early this month?
  4. Why did my period stop suddenly?
  5. What are the causes of irregular period?

I want this post easy to understand without the heavy medical terminologies.

What every woman should know about menstruation?

  • Irregular period is common
  • Every woman does not have 28 days menstrual cycle
  • The range of menstrual cycle can be between every 20 to 35 days provided they are consistent.

What exactly is irregular period?

If the bleeding occurs within 20 days in a given month, 35 days the next month, spotting in between, or absence of bleeding for many months (ruling out pregnancy).

If you stand in any of this range, you must get evaluated further with a health care provider.

causes of irregular periodsPhoto by Roman Bozhko on Unsplash

COMMON CAUSES OF IRREGULAR PERIOD:

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS, PCOD)

PCOS is the most common endocrine disorder affecting 1 in 10 women. As the name suggests, there are multiple ovarian cyst formation. Irregular period is the common symptom in PCOS.

To explain it in simple terms: Cysts = multiple follicles growing haphazardly = size of ovaries increases = no formation of egg (anovulation) = hormonal imbalance = absence of menses = abnormal growth of hair (especially face)

Anovulation is the main cause of infertility in cases of polycystic ovarian syndrome.

The stats of PCOS cases are ever increasing but what exactly causes it is still obscure.

Endometriosis

It is a painful condition where the tissue found in uterus grows around ovaries, fallopian tubes and other pelvic organs.

Slight spotting or bleeding begins before actual menstrual period. Endometriosis is cause of infertility in about 20 to 40 % cases.

Thyroid gland disorders

Thyroid gland is a butterfly shaped organ situated at the base of neck. It can be said that it is one of the major controller of our body which has its effect on heart, brain, kidney, in other words: inspector of all the major organs.

Usually there is bleeding between periods or heavy bleeding in cases of thyroid gland diseases.

Eating disorders

Anorexia (refusing to eat) and bulimia (overeating followed by self-induced vomiting or fasting) grossly affects menstrual cycle.

Birth control pills

Yes its true, in some females the pills does affect the menstrual cycle either the bleeding is in spots or there is delay in onset of menstruation.

The above conditions are not the only causes of irregular menstrual cycle. I suggest you consult a gynaecologist for further investigation and treatment.

Investigation of irregular period is must for every woman even in those who have decided not to bear a child. Menstrual cycle is an essential part of our body where the hormones when secreted in normal quantity keep us healthy. There are many menstrual tracker apps available. Start using one of them. The one I use is Clue and it helps me tracking the cycle length because my menstrual cycle fluctuates due to premature ovarian failure.

Best Apps to track periodPhoto by rawpixel.com on Unsplash

The Best Period Tracker Apps:

Clue Period Tracker: Period & Ovulation Tracker

Period Tracker – Menstrual Calendar

Eve Period Tracker & Sexual Health App

Glow Period & Ovulation Tracker, Fertility App

5 Incredible Instagrammers You should follow

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, write every day

Hello everyone,

Hope you all are doing good, rising again after falling, learning from mistakes. Have you started practicing positive affirmations? I would like you to give it a try. Stand in front of the mirror and speak a loud and clear: “You are worthy of all the joys and riches in the universe. I love you”. Do not forget about gratitude, be grateful for this life.

positive affirmation about self-love

“I am worthy of all the joys and riches in the universe.”

Moving ahead with my life! My fertility update: CD 21. PMS symptoms have begun. AF might visit me soon, which is good and bad too. Bad for failing to conceive. Good for, at least I am bleeding despite my Premature ovarian failure.

That’s it for me. I am sharing the instagrammers I love. Apart from my fellow bloggers here (as I’ve mentioned in one of my previous post): motherofnone, beyoutiful, jlmwrites, findingjoyininfertility there are few others I adore. Hop on to their account!

beingmammabear

She is the first mamma I came across on instagram. She has fabulously documented her entire pregnancy on her blog and her every day instagram stories are adorable.

baawri_basanti

I have known this blogger for over 5 years and her 1 sentenced instagram posts are to die for.

readsleepfangirl

If you want your instagram feed to be beautiful and filled with books, follow her.

artist_vibhu

You mustn’t miss the artistry work by this self-taught professional artist.

 My compliments will fall short for her words. You might miss a heart beat after reading her writings and wonder HOW? How one can weave love so beautifully in words?

Have a great day wherever you are!

louise-hay-quotes-building-self-esteem

Highbrow | 5-Minute Lessons Delivered To Your Inbox

About me, life, What I Like

Are you on Instagram? Twitter? Facebook?

Probably ‘Yes’ to all, right? Ever wondered how much time do we invest on each social platform? It is estimated that the average daily time spent on social media by each person is:

YouTube: 40 minutes

Facebook: 35 minutes

Snapchat: 25 minutes

Instagram: 15 minutes

Twitter: 1 minute

surprise gif

Do you spend more time than these statistics?

No surprise we all do, indeed!

There are thousands of feeds about current events, entertainment, hacks, tips and tricks flooding on our social media platform. But how much do we learn and put it for use? Mostly less because at the end of the day we forget the information bombarded in the feeds.

A few minutes of informative video or text makes a great impact on our learning and broadening our knowledge.

I had randomly landed on Highbrow – an email subscription service which provides 10 day courses which are broken down into 5-minute lessons.

If you are an art student or enthusiasts, want to start a business, learn new language, philosophy or writing, there are courses for each category.

There are about 140 courses made by Highbrow which is categorized under:

  • Art
  • Business
  • Health
  • History
  • Language
  • Nature
  • Philosophy
  • Productivity
  • Psychology
  • Science
  • Technology
  • Travel
  • Writing

Highbrow has free and Premium membership (annual and monthly subscription). The great part is there are numerous courses available in free membership.

highbrow | learn something new every day

Check out some courses which are fun to opt for and also gain knowledge through 5-minute lesson everyday:

How To Make A Viral Video

How To Make Your Own Podcast (My favorite one, hope to start one of my own! :D)

How To Change Any Habit And Make It Stick

Journey Into Minimalism (Minimalism is the #trend on high rise)

Amazon FBA Fundamentals: From No-Experience To Selling Your Product
What I like about Highbrow:

·      You have to invest 5-minute of learning something you love. After reading the mail, you can begin with implementation of the lessons.

·      You are introduced to new concepts

·      You will receive good suggestions and tips in mails

The only drawback of the free membership is you are allowed to start only one course at a time which according to me is good as I can focus on one thing at a time.

Highbrow also offers you to Become a Teacher by building a course in your expertise. What are you waiting for? Teach, earn and share your knowledge in this web world. 

teach on highbrow

Host Your Course With Highbrow and reach over 300K learners

This is not a sponsored post. I am sharing what I liked. After all, life is all about learning till the end!

Grieving The Loss of a Baby I Never Had

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, POI

Have you ever experienced the empty barren feeling? The lives around move but you are desolate from inside. I woke up with this lonesome feeling today.

Should I blame it on hormones of CD3? I will not! H is out of town and I haven’t told him about aunt flo (AF) because I have failed again in this cycle.

I refrain talking about AF to my mom too and as Lord Ganesh is going to arrive in many houses she warns me not to touch him. This infuriates me. If God didn’t want him to be touched by me he never would have created women.

grieving the loss of a baby

Photo by Martin Kníže on Unsplash

And if AF is a taboo then many men have done far worse deeds to be allowed to touch God.

With all these thoughts churning inside me a post in the Huffpost newsletter caught my attention: What You Should Know About Grief, Summed Up In One Illustration.

The theme of the article is: Grief affects everyone differently. I am grieving for the loss of a baby which I never had.

People do not understand my grief, the suffering I am living with every single day. I am not insensitive to the fact that there are females getting pregnant around me, babies are born, kids play. The sight of them stings me; don’t get me wrong but not having one of my own hurts me.

I have been adamant all throughout life but now I break down quite often when the first symptom of PMS strikes me. I have faith in God but I keep fighting with him a lot these days. I keep believing he is testing my patience but I am fearful of my perseverance fading away.

Random chit-chat, My Favorite fellow bloggers and Award

About me, Fighting Infertility, life, write every day

Today I just want you to listen to me. I want to share my thoughts here and also because I miss talking with friends face to face and not via social media or technology.

best infertility blogs, unique blogger award

I miss my best friend V from school more these days. Life has pulled us apart but we have always been in touch. Now she lives seven oceans apart and I am missing her so badly because chatting with a friend in front of you is far different than on Whatsapp.

Writing is cathartic. As I have mentioned in one of my previous post that I have made few really good friends through blogging. Here I mostly share my struggle with infertility and all about TTC which I still haven’t got courage to share on my other blog.

I have met amazing women here and fellow TTC sisters. Mother of none is the one of the most smart and offbeat blogger I came across. She makes me smile, laugh and cry through her writing because it resonates with my life too.

myjourneycreatinglife and The Hopeful Mama, we share same journey of POF. It is strange how we are located in different parts of this world yet experience same feelings and thoughts. 

ramblingsofaninfertile, Making Baby Joy, Finding Joy in Infertility, Post IVF world , Plan B , heartsongwords are few others I met in this journey and always look forward to hearing from them. I love reading life updates of 40andpregnant

I love the girl behind Dubliner In Deutschland. If you are reading this my heartiest wishes with you for a healthy pregnancy and baby.

I want to Thank from bottom of my heart to Gauri from That Blessed Life for giving me the award Unique Blogger Award. I won’t nominate anyone but I will definitely answer your questions:

Questions-

  1. What is the inspiration behind your blog?

Sharing my life of trying to conceive, the hard life behind it and also making aware to young and everyone about Premature Ovarian Failure or Premature Menopause.

2. What advice you’d give to any blogger?

Write what you feel and not what others want to read. 

3. An incident that makes you feel proud about yourself.

Getting the award of best camper in tenth grade. Long back but still makes me feel proud. 

4. What is your biggest experimental disaster in your kitchen (funny)?

While preparing dough I was listening to music and I was so engrossed in the song I added twice the amount of water in the flour. Imagine the scene and my mom had to come for my rescue.

music cooking writing

5. What really scares you a lot?

Not having a baby (not surprising!)

Thank You once again.

Moving forward with other bloggers. The sensuous and heartfelt poems by awriterssoulblog and ladybug love  , Frank Solanki, Rhythm in Life, The Glitters of Life are worth a read. 

I cannot skip mentioning The Love Letter Projects especially her Monday Love. BEyouTIFUL, you rock girl, my instagram feeds look bright and beautiful with your posts. 

This is it for now. 

happy girl